It’s coming…

Signs like this one have appeared all over Claremont and Newlands in Cape Town:

image

Some of them also bear the legend “Plan your route”. That’s all well and good as far as advice goes, but until they tell us exactly where and when things are going to be happening, it’s going to be quite a difficult thing to actually do.

The M3 is definitely one of the roads being rehabilitated, but these signs are all over the place: I saw one of them on Palmyra Road – which would surely be one of the M3 alternatives for people “planning their route”.

If the council are really going to rehabilitate both of them at the same time, they’re more stupid than I thought.

Europe’s stereotypical billionaires

Here’s a map of Europe, labelled with the richest person in each country (via i100). And, given the integrated global economy, it’s actually a whole lot more stereotypical than you might imagine. In many cases, the first product you’d associate with each country turns out to be the one which makes its boss the most spondoolas:

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Examples include: Austria: Red Bull, Italy: Nutella, Denmark: Lego, France: L’Oréal (because you’re worth $37,000,000,000).

The only surprise in that regard might be that the richest guy in Finland, Antti Herlin, is in lifts and escalators rather than mobile phones.

Incidentally, South Africa also bucks the stereotypical trend, as Johann Rupert ($7.6bn) makes his money through selling luxury goods, rather than through iffy race relations, dreadful, rampant corruption or crime.

Please (because it’s apparently Iceland week on 6000 miles…) also enjoy Iceland’s richest man (who is not as rich as he used to be), Björgólfur Thor Björgólfsson, known to his friends as Bjöggi. He made his money by moving to Russia and selling beer to the Russians (sidenote: genius) before investing in investment banks and breaking Iceland’s financial system (sidenote: oops).

No, really. I give up.

After my “I Give Up” outburst this morning on the futility (or “fruitility“, lol) of attempting to avoid depressing news, I have actually decided to give up. Really, absolutely and unequivocally.

Because even when the news isn’t depressing, it’s just stupid.

This story, from a the website of a South African national newspaper refers:

Woman seeks Satan in New Zealand

Ooh, sounds intriguing, right? Yep. That’s what drew me in too.
But then:

Lauren Thompson wants the bringer of evil and temptation to come home.

New Zealand’s The Timaru Herald reports that Thompson has been pounding the streets trying to find her black cat, Satan. According to Thompson the cat lives up to the name her daughter gave it, being a “a little bit of a psycho” before he was neutered.

“When you see him, he could not have any other name,” Thompson said.
This is the first time the cat has left home since Thompson moved to Timaru three months ago.

“Hopefully he hasn’t tried to go back to Auckland,” she said.

Right, so a woman has lost her cat in a small town in New Zealand. OK…

But wait, there’s more…

No. Actually there isn’t more. That’s it.
A woman has lost her cat in a small town in New Zealand.
And that’s made the national news in South Africa because… I’ve absolutely no idea.

Earlier this morning, I thought that news generally had reached a new all time low. And it had.
I also thought that it probably couldn’t sink any lower.

I was wrong.

I give up

There have been many comments made this week over just how terribly depressing the news in general has been recently. And while people are killing each other all over the world, mainly (but not exclusively) in the name of religion, I’ve managed to mentally put these horrible events onto the back burner and get on with my life.

But this more local story about three farmworkers getting into an argument and two of them allegedly killing the other by throwing oranges at him has brought the futility of my trying to ignore depressing news to the fore:

Two men have been arrested after they allegedly assaulted a farmworker with oranges until he died on a farm outside Tzaneen, Limpopo police said on Wednesday.
The men, aged 27 and 30, were taken into custody on Tuesday, said Lt-Col Moatshe Ngoepe.
“Babanto Chauke, 38, and two men had a quarrel, the two [allegedly] started throwing loose oranges at him until he died.” The men were Chauke’s colleagues at Lakota Farm. They would appear in the Tzaneen Magistrate’s Court on Wednesday, Ngoepe said.

How cheap is human life? How bad does any argument have to be for you to kill a man? To kill him by throwing fruit at him? How long does that even take?

For me, this is every bit as depressing as Iraq, Nigeria or Gaza. And equally stupid.

UPDATE: Paul Scott (see comment below) also shares this:

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Cape Town: Big Bangs Theories

We like to help out our local readers here in Cape Town, much as we like to help out our readers all over the world. But especially in Cape Town because Cape Town is home and Capetonians need more help than a lot of people.

Take the annual road closures for the State Opening of Parliament. First off, this is an annual event and it also happens every year. We’re warned about it in the newspapers, on Facebook, twitter, radio and TV. And then on blogs too.

It never does any good. The flood of warnings, I mean, not Parliament.
(Let’s save that discussion for another day, shall we?)

Somehow, the message doesn’t get through and then there’s panic on the streets of Cape Town; Gardens, Green Point, Waterkant. I wonder to myself.

Anyway, I’m going to try again. No road closures this time, just some big bangs early in the morning, as Cape Town welcomes the British frigate HMS Iron Duke into the harbour:

The South African Navy will welcome a British Royal Navy ship to Cape Town in grand style.
The HMS Iron Duke will receive a 21 gun salute when it nears Robben Island around 7:30 tomorrow morning.

21 guns is some welcome. The Iron Duke only gave the Lt Governor of Jersey a 15 gun salute as she passed by the Channel Islands in June. The SA Navy is going all out with a mighty 40% increase on gun salutage – and HMS Iron Duke will respond in kind:

 The Navy’s Chief Petty Officer, Dudley Malgas says the Signal Hill Noon Gun will be used in a 21 gun salute to welcome the HMS Iron Duke.
“They will follow with their 21 gun salute, and we will then respond with our 21 gun salute.”

I’m already a bit lost. Does this mean 42 bangs or 63? Never has my 21 times table been so widely used.
Either way, it’s going to be very noisy and very early and people in Cape Town are going to get very panicky. No amount of forewarning will have any effect and everyone in the CBD will think that Burundi is invading. Again.

But spread the word anyway. Be that one that can say: “Er… yeah. Didn’t you read that blog post I shared? Damn, you’re just so underinformed sometimes.” or whatever. And ask them if they are know about the road closures for the State Opening of Parliament in February. They won’t.

In case you were wondering, here’s why we have 21 gun salutes:

The custom stems from naval tradition, where a warship would fire its cannons harmlessly out to sea, until all ammunition was spent, to show that it was disarmed, signifying the lack of hostile intent. As naval customs evolved, 21 guns came to be fired for heads of state, with the number decreasing with the rank of the recipient of the honour.

And, as some added DVD extras: here’s some info on HMS Iron Duke, and here’s the video to Sometimes by Liverpool rockers Sound of Guns.

Sound of Guns. Geddit?

Thanks Ani