Category: sport

The Impossible Dream

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It’s been a hot day in Cape Town, and it’s been a busy one too. I would love to be sitting at home in front of a warm TV right now, but it’s Monday evening and it’s Dodgeball training, so I’m out in my car park. Given that I am out here, I would love to be sitting in my car park with the windows down and the fresh breeze blowing the heat of the day away.

Sadly, there appears to be a raw sewage issue somewhere in the vicinity. It’s literally nauseating.

Anyway, not much I can do about the thick pooey odour enveloping everything here.

So here’s a video I watched earlier. A great tale, 17 years in the making, some amazing videography, and some important lessons about recognising when it’s time to give up.

We all have our impossible dreams and we all have our limits. How we choose (or are able) to balance one against the other, and how much value we place on each will likely define our successes. It doesn’t have to be running marathons. For example, Forest Drive (Bishopscourt, not Pinelands) kicked my arse again today. That’s a 750m bit of asphalt, not 42km of American city roads, but that’s my current nemesis. But I’ll return on a cooler – but equally steep day – to fight back.

And I will beat it. Or I’ll give up.

One of the two.

United & Off The Pitch

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My beloved Blades sent out a press release this week. They’ve teamed up with a company called Off The Pitch. OTP appear to do data analysis around the business of football. I’m not into business data of any sort, but I do know when there’s some corporate BS being used, and this press release was full of it.

But of course it was, because when I went to the ABOUT US section of OTP’s website, I was greeted with this:

Did someone drop the word “media” in there just for shits and giggles? Or am I missing something to do with the English language here? Because however I try to phrase this punctuation-free header, I can’t get seem to get it to make sense.
At the very least, surely if you’re going to use “is”, you have to use “medium“, right?

Basically, it seems to me that we’re buying this package so we can pay less for our players and pay our players less in the future.

But then the press release is packed full of boardroomisms and buzzwords:

Carl Shieber, Sheffield United’s Head of Football Administration, expressed his enthusiasm about the partnership: “Our partnership with Off The Pitch opens a realm of opportunities for Sheffield United. It provides an invaluable platform for benchmarking against other clubs, both domestically and internationally. This alliance is a step towards a more analytical approach in our business, commercial development, and player trading strategies.”

“Alliance”, “Platform”, “Benchmarking” and “Strategies”. Nice try, Carl.

But then OTP CEO Mads blows him away with this spiel:

Mads Meisner Christensen, Co-founder and CEO of Off The Pitch, shared his thoughts on this significant agreement: “We are excited to equip Sheffield United with a diverse range of tools to enhance their operational efficiency. This partnership is set to provide Sheffield United with a strategic edge in the transfer market, helping them to identify and leverage market inefficiencies for optimal results.”

Blimey! “Leverage” alone is worth 10 points! “Optimal” and “Strategic” are just the icing on the cake.

The thing is, how are we supposed to have any sort of edge – strategic or not – in the transfer market, when it seems like most of the clubs in Europe are using this same system? Did we pay more for the gold edition or something?

I don’t pretend to get it. I don’t have to get it.

But if we could just use plain English from now on, I would have more chance of getting it.

You can’t win

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Ah. The magic of the Third Round of the FA Cup. A wonderful opportunity for the smaller clubs to take a pot shot at the big boys.

And it’s great if you are a smaller club. Nothing to lose.

Get hammered? Well you were up against top class opposition. Internationals.

Lose? Plucky performance. Well done. On to the next league game.

Win? Write your names in the giant killing history books. Sutton United. Ronnie Radcliffe. Fucking Wrexham.

Of course, it’s the other way around if you’re the big club. No-one is saying anything incredible about Lille, despite this result:

Literally, you can’t win.

But we did.

Victor Osimhen, African Footballer of the Year: 5 Highlights From an Incredible 2023

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Victor Osimhen has just won one of the highest prizes for an African footballer: the African Men’s Player of the Year. The last time a Nigerian man received such an award was in 1999, with Nwankwo Kanu. It’s a victorious year for Nigerian football indeed, with Asisat Oashala securing the women’s award for the sixth time.
The ceremony took place in Marrakech, Morocco, and it was the well-deserved coronation of a fantastic season. Come with us and check out the most memorable moments of Osimhen in 2023.

A Neapolitan Hero

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If you watched any Napoli game for the Serie A this season, you probably saw Osimhen scoring a goal. Indeed, you most probably succeeded if you took your chances on an Osimhen goal on any online soccer betting site. The Nigerian striker shook the net 26 times in 32 games last season. 
He scored seven goals during Serie A 2023, leading Napoli’s scoreboard. He was only one goal behind the vice-leader, Olivier Giroud. Osimhen’s astonishingly precise performances earned the nickname “Mr Hat-Trick” among Napoli supporters. In 2022, he wrote his name in the club’s history as a central figure in its first Serie A title since 1990.
The Nigerian striker’s brilliance isn’t new to European fans. He also scored 18 goals for Lille in his passage to the elite of French football. Mr Hat-Trick scored four goals for the Nigerian national team during the AFCON. Osimhen has always been a high-level player, but he’s been unstoppable lately. 


Five Unforgettable Moments

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If you’ve been following football-related news this year, you might have noticed that Osimhen’s name is often in the headlines. Undoubtedly, there was plenty to celebrate. Here are some of the best moments of Nigeria’s newest legend:

Bulldozing an Old Enemy

The inter-city rivalry between Napoli and Juventus dates from the early 20th century. Since 1926, there have been 180 encounters, and Juventus won most of them. Osimhen allowed Napoli supporters to taste revenge when Gli Azzurri imposed a humiliating 5-1 defeat in January 2023. The striker delivered a spotless performance considered one of the best in his career. The first goal came in 14 minutes, and he assisted two other goals. 

Silencing Haters

The love story between Napoli and Osimhen went through some rough patches this year. Back in September, the club’s performance was less than impressive, counting three defeats in a row. The club resented the winless run and took its TikTok accounts to make fun of the Nigerian player, in two posts. Osimhen’s agent was about to take the case to court before the club deleted the posts. 

Napoli faced Udinese the next day, thrashing the Bianconeri by 4-1. Despite personal attacks on his image, Osimhen’s performance was, once again, game-changing. He scored Napoli’s second goal and kept encouraging his colleagues, a fitting response to trolls. Several fans also criticised the club’s posts, and Osimhen was ovated by the crowds.

Surpassing Maradona

Diego Maradona is a legend in Napoli’s history. The Argentinian genius played for Gli Azzurri between 1984 and 1991. During this period, the club won its last Serie A title before 2022-23. Osimhen brought the title back and helped the team in a historical Champions League campaign. 

The club made it to the quarterfinals for the first time, an achievement that not even Maradona could brag about. Gli Azzurri’s adventure in the Champions League ended after a draw with AC Milan in the second leg. The Nigerian striker did his part, scoring Napoli’s only goal while recovering from an injury.   

A Hat-Trick in the AFCON

Osimhen showed Nigerian fans why he’s nicknamed Mr Hat-Trick in Italy during the match against Sao Tome and Principe. The Super Eagles crushed their opponents 6-0, with three goals by Osimhen. He opened the score at 14 minutes and shook the nets twice towards the end of the game. His final goal came in the 80th minute, and it was his tenth goal during AFCON qualifiers.

Best Striker in Serie A

Last June, Osimhen was named the best striker in Serie A during the 2022-23 season. The award was published on the league’s website. It was based on statistical and positional data. The Hawk-Eye system used to track players’ data records delivers a detailed analysis where game choices and optimum movements are also considered. Additionally, he was listed as one of the most valuable players in that season. 

Africa’s Best Man On The Field

Take a quick look at Osimhen’s performance in 2023: it’s not surprising that he’s the African Footballer of the Year. He’s also writing history at home, inspiring a new generation, rising as one of the best strikers worldwide. He also baffles those who saw Kanu pulling similar tricks over 20 years ago.