Amazing stuff from Scotland:
A woman who claims she was injured when a seagull swooped at her during her lunch-break is suing the owners of the building where she worked.
Cathie Kelly said she stumbled on steps as she tried to escape the “terrifying” dive-bombing bird outside the Ladyburn business centre in Greenock.
She has raised an action for damages at the Court of Session in Edinburgh.
I’ve been divebombed by seagulls before, and let me tell you, genuinely, it’s not fun. They don’t mess about. On one infamous occasion, while chivalrously trying to protect my future wife from an aggressive airborne avian attack, I fell and hurt my right leg quite badly. I didn’t then sue the Isle of Man Government for damages though, despite the fact that they were responsible for the cliffs on which the bird was nesting.
You can’t be doing that. What sort of legal precedent would any positive outcome set?
“Rabbit eats lettuce from vegetable patch. Householder sues nearby farmer who has rabbit holes in his field.”
“Seal belches loudly near boat during harbour boat ride. Tourist claims damages from V&A Waterfront.”
“Woman drives too close to elephant in Kruger National Par… hang on… no, we’ve done that one already”
But a slight stumble on the steps is only the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. Brace yourselves, folks, because here’s the harrowing tale of another of worker in the same building:
Mrs Ann Walsh, manager with Enterprise Childcare, who also works in the Ladyburn business centre, said the gull problem had been going on for years.
“I was attacked myself by gulls,” she said. “I was poo-ed on as part of the attack.”
Poo-ed on? POO-ED ON?!??!??!? That’s got to be worth another ten grand, surely?!?!
We have pigeons where I work, but they aren’t as aggressive as gulls. I’m quite sure they carry fourteen times as many illnesses though. In fact, I think I’m developing a slight cough… high fever… dyspnoea… pneumonia… death!
It must be psittacosis. Damn those pigeons.
I need a lie down… and a lawyer. Is Barry Roux free next week?