Ban the Vuvuzela?

As expected, the vuvuzela is causing a bit of a stir at the World Cup 2010. And it’s prompting a huge number of really silly comments on news sites (BBC, Sky News etc) – mainly from people whining about how they don’t like the noise.

Ag, shame.

It’s like watching the game in the middle of a beehive.

Is it? How exactly have you worked this out, because you seem very sure. Have you got vast experience of watching football matches in apiaries? Wouldn’t the whole stinging thing be worse than the noise, anyway? Presumably, you took some sort of Epi-pen or similar anti-histamine device with you to counteract any anaphylactic shock caused by being repeatedly stung. I could never do that beehive thing.
Admittedly, I did get very drunk and watch a couple of games from Korea/Japan 2002 in an anthill, but ants are pretty quiet and so the atmosphere wasn’t great. I’m not sure I’d be welcome back anyway after I fell over and broke an egg chamber – and my evening ended as I was thrown out by the bouncers. All 1,280,000 of them.
But bees – I might give that a go. Honey sandwiches all round, what ho!

Patrice Evra – We can’t hear one another out on the pitch because of them.

Patrice, dude. I was there on Friday night. It really wasn’t very loud at all. Do you know what I think? I think that your team didn’t get three points because they actually didn’t play very well. Your strikers couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo and your right back had a particularly bad game.
What – that was you? Oh – how embarrassing.
Anyway, it looked to me like Germany didn’t have many problems hearing each other on the pitch last night. Maybe it was a different kind of vuvuzela in Durban. Or maybe they just have louder voices. Or maybe they actually just played well.
And it’s not like you Frenchies don’t have a bit of history with annoying trumpets at your stadiums, is it? Who could forget that horrid little fanfare thing you repeatedly played over the PA systems at the 2007 Rugby World Cup to occasionally keep people interested? Or that annoying singing sound you call La Marseillaise?

Presumably Thierry and Sidney were blaming the ball for their errant shooting as well. It’s true that it does fly slightly differently at altitude, but then you weren’t at altitude for Friday’s match. Well – you were at about 15m altitude, I suppose. Would you like us to move all the stadiums to sea level for you? The salt water won’t do the grass much good, but then you can blame the pitch as well.
I did note that Germany were also virtually playing on the beachfront last night and I have to say that my good mate Miroslav didn’t seem to have much trouble with getting shots on target.
Probably a different ball thing, right?

Also – no protests from Mexico, who faced a 90,000-strong plastic trumpet army on Friday.
But then, they’re not French, are they?

I find them very uninspiring and I have to get up leave the room.

Patrice? Is that you again?
No – it’s some England fan from England commenting on the Sky News site. And he’s proving himself wrong. How can he call them uninspiring when he is inspired to get up and leave the room? That’s inspiration right there.
I was also inspired to get up and leave the room by Robert Green’s horror show and England’s lacklustre performance on Saturday evening, but as long as we’re talking about vuvuzelas, we’re not talking about that, are we? It’s Julius Malema style diversion tactics (as copied by Patrice Evra).
And anyway, could it have been a surprise blast from a plastic trumpet that made the England keeper spill that weak effort into the goal? Or perhaps the fear that he was being attacked by some bees?

Ha! What a pathetic shot, Mr Dempsey. I won’t even need to get my body behind that one, even though it’s the first thing they teach you at goalie school. I’ll just – ARGH! BEES! I’M BEING ATTACKED BY SOME BEES! – oops!

Look. The vuvuzela is part of the African football experience. I’m sorry you don’t like it. But what you like is not of interest to me right now – you want a World Cup in Africa, then have an African World Cup. Otherwise, let’s just go back in sterile Germany every four years with their wonderful trains, half-decent Weissbier and concerning habit of occasionally annexing other nearby nations.
Actually, it’s my concern that the traditional samba drums will prevent players hearing each other on the pitch in Brazil in 2014. But although we’re all aware of that potential issue right now, several years in advance, let’s rather wait until the first few days of the tournament and then have all the players and fans of teams that turn in below-par performances complain bitterly about it.

Ban the vuvuzela? Good luck to you.
As the (South African influenced) Kaiser Chiefs once sang: “I predict a riot”.

EDIT: Sepp’s on my side

EDIT 2: Pierre de Vos hits the real nail on the head.

68 thoughts on “Ban the Vuvuzela?

  1. Too right, there seem to be so many people wanting a “sterile” world cup. Yes the vuvuzela can occasionally be a bit tiresome, but then again so can the chants of “the referee’s a w**ker!” in English football. As for England’s performance, yes Green had a bad game but the whole team were crap. Expecting to win a game 1-0 is just like a boxer trying to get a decision… leave it in the hands of the judges and you might get a shock. If they had played properly up front they would (should?) have been sat on a 2-3 goal lead, then the mistake wouldn’t have been so important.

    Nice post btw! 🙂

  2. I will freely admit that I find the noise annoying. I would also suggest that it might have some effect upon players who are not used to such a noise. That’s no excuse for a poor performance though and, as you said, Germany showed that it’s still possible to play a decent game under the vuvuzela blast.

    I assumed it was part and parcel of the South-African-World-Cup deal, shrugged, and accepted it. No point complaining, really.

    I do wonder whether the volume will have some lasting effect upon the hearing of a whole nation … but then who am I to comment, given the volume of the gigs I used to go to?

    What really did surprise me were the comments attributed to Danny Jordaan who appeared to be saying he’d consider banning them, not least because he preferred to hear singing. Since then, though, he appears to have been pulled back into line: I read that “a World Cup spokesman” says the vuvuzela will definitely be staying as an integral part of South-African tradition.

    The last word should go to BBC Sport’s Peter Scrivener: “I’m all for them – let South Africa host the tournament in their own inimitable style”.

  3. I have to agree mate. UIt’s no more annoying that those bloody horns that everyone seems to use when there are games on at Wembley. Them and the bloody brass band that follow England all over the place. The French are perrenial whingers, but I’m sure you already knew that. I will say the ball does seem a little light, given the number of shots that are rising over the bar and rising still as they hit row Z 😆 Let’s hope Rooney decides to turn up for more than the last 20 minutes on Friday!

  4. I’ll take a billion vuvuzelas over the Aussie practice of releasing flares in the middle of the crowd last night/ this morning in Melbourne!
    5 flares during the game, one right under my feet. Damn stupid! And yet, apparently, this is a completely expected regular thing!

    What I am so amused about is who is blowing those vuvuzelas, when I see shots of games. It’s the dodgy foreigners! The converts! People from the same countries that are complaining about the vuvuzelas. (Some Aussies had even gotten ahold of them in Melbourne & were blowing on them between the flare bursts) Maybe, if you complain, you automatically get posted one…. ========<() BAAAARRRPPPPPP

  5. Really good job comparing the Brazilian samba with the continuous mononote vrooming of the vuvuzela, you must be half deaf or [RUDE WORD!] stupid.

  6. I distinctly recall the rather racy air-horn/flare combination was a common feature at games in Holland back in the day.

    The commentators (and participants) called it “brilliant atmosphere” in those days.

    Hey ho!

  7. Ok why dont they then all buy cotton wool and stick it in there ear The other day i was at a foot ball party wow there is a amazing music and variety of rythem from the vuvuzelas . i was cleaver i went to the toilet and got some toilet paper made it slightly moist and stuck it into my ears and wow i had no problems think if fifa wants to make more moey why dont they sell ear plugs as well . or HABD THEM OUT TO THE FANS THAT ENTRE THE STADIUMS.

    If they ban the vuvuzelas then people will bring the Kuduzela it looks like a real Kudu horn ( like a sring buck horn)

  8. I am a South African.
    I am attending my second world cup game tomorrow (Portugal vs Cote d’Ivoire).
    I have bought tickets for another 4 games in Port Elizabeth.
    However, if the Vuvuzelas continue to be allowed in the stadiums I doubt very much whether I will be attending any more live games.
    Why on earth does FIFA allow such an intrusion to spoil what we have been looking forward to for so long?

  9. Watched van Persie using the noise as an excuse for not hearing the whistle, should have got his second yellow. Sounds OK on TV, not sure if I could handle someone blowing one of those things in my ear for 90 minutes during a game, just wish I was there to give it a go.

  10. Jim Sefton > Agreed – you can’t just blame Green. It was an all round poor performance.

    Ro > No. Obviously the last word should go to me. That’s how these things work. But Peter seems to have hit the nail on the head.

    Wiggy > I’ll let you know – just behind the goal for that game.

    Champs > Flares? That’s just a bit silly. They can damage your eyes, you know.

    Dorothy Black > Thx. I’m honoured, Miss Dot Spot.

    RG > Careful – my mum reads this blog, you know! 🙂

    Capello Fabio > Online petitions ALWAYS work…. 🙁

    Tewy > Some people don’t like the sound of the vuvuzela, so they want it banned. Some people don’t like the sound of constant samba drums, so I want that banned too. Fair comparison. It’s not the noise that’s the issue, it’s people’s perceptions of it.
    P.S. Don’t swear on my blog again, ok?

    Gaib > Ah – the old air horn. I miss them.

    chrisiafrica > Well, free ear plugs WERE being handed out yesterday. But I took my 71 year old mother-in-law last night who has been listening to the news and reading the papers and thought the vuvu’s would spoil her experience. But – as I had told her – it was nowhere near as loud in the stadium as everyone thinks. She had a great night.

    Tonicho > I think it’s more “annoying” on TV. Don’t want noise, then certainly don’t go to a football match.

    Stan > I do think the TV mics pick it up more. The sound drifts away at the stadium.

  11. I was at France-Uruguay, expecting the vuvuzelas to be like 60,000 chainsaws all firing in a toilet cubicle. In fact they were not loud at all. It was generally about as annoying as it is on television, which is in the ear of the beholder.

    The exceptions would be when something exciting happens (n/a France-Uruguay), or when the guy directly behind you is blowing it, and a single person rarely has the stamina to do that continually.

    Anyway, in spite of my preference for the crowd shouting ‘Yeeeeaaahhhhgghh!!!’ rather than blowing a one-note horn, I can’t imagine the volume level is significantly different.

    In short, the most grating noise in the tournament so far is the whining.

  12. Jordan > Again, like the beehive analogy, I have concerns about what you have been getting up to in your toilet cubicle.
    France v Uruguay was DULL – agreed. But the noise when any team get a corner or free kick in a “dangerous” position (like your toilet cubicle, I’d imagine) is amazing.

    Anyway, Sepp says they’re hear (sic) to stay and that should end any debate.

  13. If there were such a cubicle, you’d need a bit more than antihistamine treatments.

    One chap at the ground had a huge double-bass vuvuzela, which was awesome. It’s more like being in a pride of lions than a hive of bees. Massive vuvus are the future. [Well, in an ideal world – in truth, the little buzzing ones are far more practical].

  14. You are all thick in the head. Thats why Africa will NEVER EVER HAVE A FUTURE. Because your iq to modern world is nonexistant. Get a vuvuzela and shove it where the sun dont shine and let the rest of us watch football.

  15. I am so glad I didn’t waste time & money to go to South Africa as there would be no escape from those infernal vuvuzelas inside the grounds. Imagine having to put up with that racket for 2 hours.
    Having said that, I don’t think they should be banned, even if FIFA or the SA authorities had the guts to do so, unless it is proved that they are a health hazard.
    If the Bafana Bafana want to blow their brains out, just let them.
    The BBC & ITV must know the strength of feeling against the vuvu, and if they have the technology, they should filter out or decrease the volume of the vuvu considerably.
    Apparently, ESPN in the US have successfully done so.
    If our broadcasters don’t have such technology, why don’t they provide a commentary only service without crowd noise. Let’s face it, nothing else can be heard above the buzzing of the vuvu, so no atmosphere would be lost.
    I use the mute button, but it is weird watching the matches in silence. I have even tried muting & listening to Radio 5 Live commentary, but they still have the vuvus. WHY for goodness sake.
    We must all pressure BBC & ITV to do the right thing.
    I have emailed both of them to do more for their viewers.

  16. Reality is that having been at matches in two different cities, its NOT only South Africans but everybody blowing it.Kids and adults love it. Germans, Ozzies.

    What IS annoying are german fans blowing vuvuzelas at 5am in the morning at the airport while I am half asleep. 🙂

  17. Angry fan > Oh, how I LOL’d, Mr Angry Fan in the UK (IP, email ‘[email protected]’). Yes – we’re SOOOO far behind the modern world, which is exactly why Sainsbury’s sold 22,000 vuvuzelas in 12 hours on Saturday. Which makes 22,000 vuvuzelas stuck where the sun don’t shine – the UK.

    Michelle > “Results will be submitted to FIFA.” Almost one stadium full of votes, hey? That’ll make a big difference then.

    Don > Good luck. Look, many of us don’t want to hear stuff like “the referee’s a w*****r” when we’re at games either. But watch the England game in Cape Town on Friday – you will see English fans blowing vuvuzelas. It isn’t just South Africans at all.

    ctguy > I agree – early mornings are a pain. But any stadium or footballing event (or on the way to such) is fine.

  18. Brilliant post 6000. How sad is it that the English can’t tolerate different cultures. I live in England and I see it over and over again. When we go to man u games we have to sit through offensive songs calling people peodopliles .telle in what alternate universe that is ok and a bit of atmospheric noise is not.I have been to both cape town games and it’s fabulous ,not too loud and a wonderful vibe. A testament to south Africa and her people. So commenter above you should have come and exposed yourself to something different like many of your countrymen have.maybe you could fill your time with something other than contacting itv or the BBC to get rid of the noise. I will be here blowing my vuvuzela with all the other nations

  19. Jacques > 🙂

    Wiggy > It’s Israel/Palestine all over again. No middle ground here. You’re either for or against. Although, obviously, the whole vuvuzela thing is far more important.

    Wends > Prof de Vos’ post (EDIT 2 above) refers. I agree – the English are completely intolerant of other people’s cultures, beliefs, rights etc etc. Must admit, it took me moving to SA to realise this – so I do understand, although I can’t agree with it at all.
    If England DO get their 2018 tournament, how resistant will they be to other nations imposing their rules on the English culture, such as it is?

  20. It’s not just the English that are moaning about them! Team USA supporters have been complaining about them also, and ESPN have managed to find a way of dimming the sounds of the wonderful Vuvuzelas for their tv audience 🙁

  21. Wiggy > And the English are actually blowing them here as well! In fact, all nations are moaning while all nations are blowing them.
    It’s ever so confusing.

  22. “In fact, all nations are moaning while all nations are blowing them.”

    The old catch-69-situation…

  23. I want all people over world to be buying the vuvuzela. I make this vuvuzela in factory Great China. I think it to be wonderfull that all to be blowing these vuvuzela.

  24. It is amazing how sa has been brain wash that the vuvuzela is sa culture. Maybe long ago meetings was called with some kind of trumped. I am sure the guy who called the meeting then stopped blowing so that everybody can hear what is said at the meeting. So many different storys. Bull shit. It does not matter what your story is. It does not give South Africa the right to destroy the football for millions of people all over the world with this chilidish plastic made in china trompet. Their is records of trompets been blown in ancient times from the ROMENS to storys in the bible, Koran etc.
    This would have been a perfect world cup but thanks to your childish vuvuzela it might still become the worst world cup ever.

  25. Dear “South African” (who is connecting via Benin),

    I never argued that the vuvuzela was rooted deep in SA culture – merely that it is the sound of South African football and since these people are here in South Africa, playing football, I feel that the vuvuzela is exactly what we should be hearing at these games.
    But all that aside, we did the whole vuvuzela thing weeks ago.
    Do try to keep up.


  26. I am an embarrased South African and long time football fan. Of all the many World Cups I have fastidiously watched (and before tv, listened to on the radio) this one must rate as the absolute worst. ……….and all becasue of the awful racket prodeced by that ghastly vuvuzela. The “Ban the Vuvuzela” website shows 90 000 for the ban and 10 000 against but you idiotically translate this into number of votes as opposed to proportion of votes. Statistics and interpolation thereof is not you strong suit I guess? ………and as for this being an “African World Cup”? Balloney!!! Any fool knows this is a World Cup held in Africa and not an African World Cup (oxymoron!!??) and whilst there will obviously be an African flavour this cannot be at the expense of the billions of world viewers, players , managers, referees, etc.

    It wasn’t long ago that a South African stadium would reverberate the name “FISHHHHH!!!” every time Mark Fish got the ball but suddenly we have a new culture – a culture dating back all of 10 years and involving a plastic tube made in China.

    Yes South Africa let’s continue to destroy the World Cup 2010 and of course thereby incurring the wrath of the international community who rightfully see us as spoilt, selfish and disrespectful of an event treasured by billions the world over.

    Now excuse me whilst I pour myself a glass of African champagne (that’s the one the French bottle with a touch of juba as is our culture). …….and perhaps some parma ham too – of course South Africans prefers the variety made from the backside of a Kudu – the Italians are very accomodating you know.

  27. Mike > Mikey, Sweetpea! Calm down, china!
    I’m so sorry for offending your statistical sensitivities. It was all a bit tongue in cheek anyway, since 1. I don’t have to vote to keep the vuvuzela, 2. Online petitions never work and 3. FIFA have told that pissy website to f*** off long ago.
    Of course, point 1 renders any discussion over stats completely irrelevant anyway, but since you’re STILL harping on about it with 4 games to go, I sense that relevance isn’t your strong suit.
    What are you hoping to achieve here, Mikey, you bloody agent? Ban the vuvuzela for the final and hope that everyone forgets the previous 63 games?

    And how would you know how accommodating the Italians are with their backsides?
    Is there something you’re not telling us, Mikey?
    Well? Is there?

  28. Wowee Sunshine- hit a nerve there did I you condascending prat! What’s with “Mikey” stuff or is it just your inabilty to spell.

    “Point 1 renders the discussion on stats irrelevant.” WHAT? The relevance is not whether or not the vuvuzela will be banned – it is whether it SHOULD be banned! Sepp Blatter has already ruled on this issue prior to the first kickoff which by your logic renders your whole blog irrelevant. Looks like intelligence is not one of your greatest assets.

    “And how would you know how accommodating the Italians are with their backsides?” Got problems reading fella? Italians and Kudu are two different species you dodo. Where in my blog do you find any reference to the backside of an Italian.

    What do I hope to achieve? How about this:- To wake up myopic and selfish South Africans to the fact that we are part of the international community and if we try to force our unwanted and awful “culture” down the throats of the world as a whole we will surely ostracize ourselves.

    May I be so bold as to suggest sub Saharan Africa has cooked it’s goose wih regard to another world cup and thankfully so too!

    Bloody agent I may be but bloody fool you are!

  29. Really hate the vuvuzela. Destroyed World Cup for me. Roll on 2014 and Brazil. South Africa blew it!

  30. Mikey > Sunshine! You are the sunshine of my life… And I won’t.. what? Sorry to be condascending. I’m not usually a condascending person. If I were, I might point out that it’s actually ‘condescending’. With an E. But I’m not, so I won’t. Spelling doesn’t seem to be your strong suit.
    Point 1, Mikey Mouse. If people don’t have to do something, then people won’t do it. If I wish to maintain the status quo, then I don’t act. You Bloody Agents are desperate to change the status quo: to ban the vuvuzela, so you go and vote in your hundreds on that site which Sepp takes no notice of.
    First rule of statistics, Mickey: have a relevant sample base. Your sample base isn’t and so you lose like Messi in a quarter final. Game is over.
    Italians have long enjoyed parma ham, of that we are all aware. Less well known is the fact that they have also enjoyed parma pam, a particularly accommodating prostitute who regularly walked the darker corners of streets in Roma. This is wholly irrelevant to any argument about a vuvzela, Donald, but might stand you in good stead at your next pub quiz.

    Goofy, to you and the charmingly named “antivuvu” (I once had an Auntie Violet, but that’s entirely different), with your grandiose sweeping statements on cooked geese and blowing stuff, I must point out the presence at Sunday’s final of one IOC president Jacques Rogge, who will be chatting to JZ about a possible Olympic bid from SA.
    In light of this, and in no more than 10 words, please explain to me how the vuvuzela has encouraged the international community to shun South Africa, but Mr Rogge wants to have his Olympics here.

    antivuvu > I’ve heard they have drums there. How frustrating.

  31. Bloody hell – Mark is almost as offensive as the vuvuzela. I read these comments to the other 3 people in the room, and 2 agree with me. So 75% of people agree.

  32. I studied stats at university – please don’t get involved in something about which you clearly know nothing. Combine the internet survey with ESPN, BBC and many other broadcasting networks working on filtering out the racket – why? As you said when people don’t have to do something they don’t do it so I presume the BBC etc. did something because of viewer pressure. Whatcha think boy? Maybe they subdued the vuvu noise just for the hell of it and to irritate all your vuvu fans. Face facts – the vast majority of football spectators can’t stand this thing. I have many relatives overseas who hate this thing but have still bought one simply to have it! You assume because one buys this awful device one likes it (Sainsbury sold 22000 – so what!) – as I said stats aint your strong suit!! Jonathan Ross bought a few just to show how to destroy them on his TV show.

    Now onto some drivel: – Messi in THE quarter final NOT “Messi in a quarter final” – grammar boy, grammar! and vuvzela boy not “vuvzela” – spelling boy, spelling!

    ………..and as for Parma Pam – what utter rubbish – where did you dream this up and how do you tie a Kudu’s backside to an Italian prostitute (even if she does exist). Your logic defies logic! Certainly my Google threw up zero – zip – zilch about a particularly accomodating prostitute (whatever that may mean). You must teach me about “walking corners” too! Heard about walking the streets or around the block but walking corners – eish???

    I could call you a cretin but I am far too polite so I won’t.

    ………and oh I haven’t checked for typos so please do your usual sterling job for me – thanks boy!

  33. Michael, you cretin! Welcome back!
    Once again, as you have spent several days considering your witty response, I feel compelled to justify your existence with a reply.
    Weird, isn’t it?

    Well done on studying stats at university. You don’t mention whether you passed or failed, but is that really important? A 50% pass mark doesn’t really weed out the men from the boys, anyway. Or does it? You tell me, Mikey.
    Anyway, I have taken your advice and added the actions of the BBC and ESPN to the survey (which is actually a referendum) and do you know what? FIFA still haven’t banned vuvuzelas. Once again, you lose, like Schweinsteiger in a semi-final (one of two).

    Please send me the email addresses of your “many relatives” overseas who hate the vuvuzela, but still bought one. I wish to congratulate them on their choice of purchase. I myself often buy things I loathe. Most of my not inconsiderable monthly income goes on liver, Miley Cyrus CDs and getting sand in my eyes.
    And the Jonathan Ross reference is interesting. Of course, he also (infamously) destroyed Andrew Sachs on the radio and loads of British people like Andrew Sachs, so I’m not sure what your point proves, but still.
    Apologies for the speling eror. But when pointing it out, try not to make the same error. That makes you look stupid.

    Parma Pam, hey? Well done for googling her. Interesting lady, hey? She can help you out with tying a Kudu’s backside to an Italian call-girl, but you’ll have to pay extra for that. Import duties on antelope are generally pretty ridiculous, in my personal experience. And then there will be a statutory EU quarantine period to sit through. You might have lost the urge by then.
    I’m interested that you are an expert on the terminology around prostitution. How do you come by this knowledge, if you see what I mean? Does your wife know about this previously unseen talent?

    I look forward to a riveting reply sometime within the next week.

    Yours hornily (geddit???),

  34. yo Mikey

    “Now onto some drivel: – Messi in THE quarter final NOT “Messi in a quarter final” – grammar boy, grammar! and vuvzela boy not “vuvzela” – spelling boy, spelling!”

    nothing wrong with that my boy….by saying A quarter final, means you have lost on more than one occasion, so technically 6000 is correct as Germany beat Argentina (again) at penalties in the 2006 world cup.

    clearly stats AND english ain’t your strong points…

    i think they call it self pawnage no?

  35. In your neck of the woods you may not have heard that the internet was down for a couple of days. Try the news. It can be bought in a paper edition called a newspaper or simply turn on the goggle box.

    Since you asked about the stats – passed and got my degree which is more than you will ever get. My son obtained a first in maths and stats for his Masters. Debating with him is challenging – with you frustrating! As for your “referendum” – bollocks a referendum it aint!

    I know only too well that FIFA will not ban the Vuvu (we discussed this before – forgotten?????) – politics is powerful isn’t it? But as I said this is not the point and you should know this because if it was it would render your blog meaningless.

    Parma Pam lives happily within the confines of your miniscule cranium. An Italian hooker named Pam – yeah right! Google it boy!

    …………and as for the rest of your irrelevant warbling it fails to have the slightest of logic – again!

    Ross’s unfortunate and distasteful Sachs incident is once again irrelevant as is my disliking of Ross’s TV show! ……….and he did not destroy Sachs – where do you find your information?

    As for listening to Cyrus (personally I prefer music) – well yes now I understand why you like the vuvuzela.

    Be a good boy and check my spelling again will you? ……….and oh yes – never begin a sentence with “and” – grammar boy, grammar!

  36. Arcainus > Please: don’t mock the afflicted (leave it to me).

    Mike > And he returns.
    Ah yes. The old Seacom cable issue. I’ve followed it closely and still managed to get a couple of blog posts out. Decent ones too. (Though I say it myself).

    Well done on passing your degree. And having a son who passed his as well – and a Masters in Stats, nogal!
    My son is evidently somewhat younger than yours and he is an expert in building houses out of the cushions on our sofa, but that doesn’t make me the world’s leading authority on it. This is completely different as your son obviously comes home from Varsity and teaches you about what he’s learned that day. So now you’re an expert too.
    My next door neighbour has a son who has just qualified as a doctor – he’s very proud of his lad, but I’m sure as hell not letting him look at this rash I’ve got.
    I guess the point I’m making is that it was your son that did the Stats thing, not you. Do you pay him consultancy fees for this sort of thing? Does SARS know about this arrangement?

    Mousey, what are we continuing to argue about this vuvuzela thing for? If I recall, you wanted it banned – hence your desperate link to the irrelevant referendum thing on the site. Have you finally realised that you have backed the losing horse as far as FIFA is concerned? And thus changed your argument to “it annoys some people”? Well, at least we can agree on that.
    I have done some rudimentary calculations and have compiled a long list of things which also annoy some people: Julius Malema, Helen Zille, Jacob Zuma, getting sand in your eye etc etc.
    Now we appear to have sorted the vuvuzela thing, perhaps we can discuss these too? Let me know.

    Once again, on your instruction, I have googled Parma Pam and – like you – got nowhere. I’m guessing that Pam likes to fly under the radar, so to speak, since while her gainful employment is unofficially tolerated in her homeland, it remains unlawful. I think a better way of finding her would be in the classifieds section of the Roma Chronicle. Try looking under “Personal Notices”, keyword “antelope”. Apparently, she’s very good – you kudu worse.

    Mikey, the World Cup is almost at an end and Jacques Rogge is already enjoying the gees of Johannesburg ahead of his Olympics chat with JZ. This World Cup – with the vuvuzela as its unofficial trademark – has been a MASSIVE success and now all we have to look forward to is the silent library atmosphere of the Tri-Nations. Shhh!
    Wake me up if something exciting happens, won’t you?

  37. @6K – You’ve perfected the art of trolling your own blog. Respect. I haven’t had so much fun on the internet since ‘Peas got plaigerised. (oops, spelling boy, spelling!).

    @Mikey – Dude, get over it. Didn’t you hear that Fuffazela’s are banned from Rugby games now?

  38. Time out – my last post.

    The internet problem had no impact on you and therefore you assume it had no impact on me? Oh ok this is sound logic?!?!

    Arcainus – pathetic attempt to escape on a technicality – and unless you are completely stupid you know it – idiot! ……….and also a little known fact that Messi missed a penalty against Germany in the under 10 World Cup Final 1961 therby losing the match. Did anybody ever call you a wally by any chance?

    @6k – Try reading the blog again – I did stats at ‘varsity and passed you cretin. Wanting something banned is like wanting anything in life – not always granted. I always new the vuvu would not be banned but if we all remained silent it might pop up again to haunt us – which it won’t now as our rugby man has corrrectly stated. Not to mention the other 90% of the world’s population!

    Just had a call from a friend in Japan. Guess what? They love the World Cup but hate the vuvu – oh dear more friends lost!

    ………and as for the balance of your waffle – couldn’t be bothered reading it – skimmed through but more of the same drivel. Parma Pam blah bah…..Personal Notices blah blah………Olympic blah…….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Nighty nite orl! I will wach the finil – voluum macksed out but such is lighf in darkest Africa as it predictably continues down the long drop. I believe they will slaughter a bull bare handed at the final – this tradition belongs to both Spain and Safrica of course so no complaints here. The Netherlands will just slaughter Spain – with a little muti and luck of course. Statistically speaking the octopus will have the last laugh whoever wins unless of course the Germans have slaughtered it.

  39. Andrew_40 > It’s been a blast, hey? (in B-flat)

    Mike > The internet issues plaguing the East Coast of Africa have impacted everyone to varying degrees. Which you have one of. It also presented the perfect excuse for delaying a reply to any of the comments on here. An opportunity I failed to make use of, but you appear to have leapt upon with relish. Not literally, I hasten to add – that would be sticky.
    So you are claiming responsibility for the vuvuzela not being allowed at the rugby world cup next year, hey? Well done on that because I am quite sure NZ couldn’t handle the excitement of some noise at a stadium anyway. I recall Dan Carter recoiling in horror when someone cheered as he touched down against some arbitrary Super 14 team a few seasons back. We wouldn’t want to scare them again, now would we?

    I see you’re Big in Japan too. Did your Japanese friend nip out and buy a vuvuzela as well? I recognise that this strange penchant for purchasing stuff they hate may only apply to your “many relatives” overseas, but it’s always worth asking. Also, I must point out that it must have been a pretty tenuous friendship if your mate ditched you over a plastic trumpet being blown at some sporting events in your country.
    But that happens to us all (not “all” as in 100% statistically, but just a generalisation) (but you knew that, Statsman) doesn’t it? I had a so-called “friend” in China who dropped me like a hot rock after they found out that there were grouse in Scotland, which is close to England where I lived at the time.
    We’re probably best without them, aren’t we?

    While you seem to have plumped for the Netherlands (and in doing so, insulted the cultural sensitivities of close on 90 million individuals – nice work), I’m told that Paul the octopus has gone for Spain, but he’s only right some of the time anyway and he’ll be dead inside 6 months, such is the measly longevity of cephalopods.

    You, of course, will be around for much longer. Which is great news for us all.


  40. I know I said I wouldn’t blog here again but I feel compelled to say but one more thing:-

    As far as upsetting 90 million people (90 million – where do you get your numbers?) I would hasten to add that anyone who derives pleasure from torturing and then killing animals for enjoyment does not belong to the same human race as I and also have no “sensitivities”. If I have offended 90 million barbarians then good. The sooner barbarism in any form is abolished the better!

    Having said that it could be great fun to get myself a matador – me with a great big sword and him with a couple of devils horns and a longish tail. We could battle to the death – you might want to come and watch – vuvuzelas will on this occasion be most welcome!

  41. Mike > Welcome back, you liar.

    90 million, as you insult the cultures of Spain and South Africa in a single paragraph. I don’t have a huge issue with the whole slaughtering animals “for fun” thing.
    See here: for details.

    That said, I don’t think that the ritual slaughter of a bull in African society is “for fun”. Nor, if you actually bother to read up about it, is bull-fighting.
    You show a distinct lack of knowledge, respect and understanding.

    Just like your silly views on the vuvuzela.

    Leave a Reply