Category: this is south africa

I got chills

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Thankfully, there appears to be very limited (if any) multiplication thereof.

But wow. It’s COLD in Cape Town. Beautifully sunny and crisp, but COLD. Look at this from this morning:

Ostensibly, it was 3oC before the gentle breeze straight from Antarctica kicked in. But to be honest, once you get down to that level of temperature, it becomes very hard to tell the difference between -1 and 3 anyway.

This is unusually cold for Cape Town, but then it’s been a rather unusual winter so far:

Then again, cold and wet is the default for Cape winters, so I guess that a bit colder and wetter than normal isn’t too much of a thing.

But I’m very glad for the fireplace today.

Squirrels – the truth

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I spotted a recent Facebook status:

Had a great time out at [Stellenbosch wine farm] with [person], lovely tea and cake and a lot of fun feeding the squirrels.

Now, I want to talk about the grey squirrels on the wine farm, but let’s address the obvious grey elephant in the room first.

Tea and cake? What are you doing? You’re on a wine farm. The choice of beverage should be wine and the choice of foodstuff should… also be wine. You’re a grown adult. Honestly, make better decisions.

And then…

Feeding the squirrels. What are you doing? They are a nasty, destructive, invasive alien species introduced to SA by a racist, colonial megalomaniac.

Native to the hardwood forests of North America, the Grey squirrel was introduced into South Africa by Cecil John Rhodes. At the turn of the 19th century he released squirrels on Groote Schuur estate in Cape Town. By the 1970s their range had extended as far as Swellendam in the Western Cape.

And you’re feeding them? You’re a grown adult. Honestly, make better decisions.

No-one crows on social media about “watering the Port Jackson” or “fertilising the Rooikrans” while they are out and about, do they? No, because those are nasty, destructive, invasive alien species introduced to SA by racist colonialists. You’d never willingly or knowingly sustain or propagate these things.

But then, they don’t have fluffy tails, do they?

Make no mistake, Grey Squirrels are bastards:

It is a serious pest and its habit of removing tree bark is extremely damaging. It also carries a disease called paradox virus, which affects indigenous species. It may build nests in buildings, destroying electrical wiring and woodwork.

If the wine farm were in KZN, they would be obliged to kill the little gits, but sadly (for us, not the squirrels), this wine farm was in the Western Cape. They are listed higher on the NEMBA index of invasive species (i.e. they are considered a bigger threat to our native biodiversity) than rats.

Did you feed the rats at the wine farm?
Of course not. But then, they don’t have fluffy tails, do they?

The best grey squirrel is dead grey squirrel. Get over their alleged “cute” personas and stop pandering to their every need. They are an invasive species, destroying our native flora and fauna.

Make better decisions.

South African Hand Gestures

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I’ve been here almost 20 years now, and I don’t know however I have managed without this hugely informative guide to what hand gestures mean in South Africa.

Stuff like:

Wow. Beckoning means “come here”? Who knew?

Far more helpful would be a definition of the linguistic peculiarities like:

Listen, my friend.

Which when delivered means that the time to listen has long gone, and he is not your friend.

Ah yes, “the peace sign with palm towards body” or PSPTB for short. I’m glad they’ve clarified the meaning of this one. I’ve thought that I was just waving to people in the traffic for the past two decades.

Now I think that I finally understand their responses.

Also, as a sidenote, do you think the stock image above was posed? I mean, I want to say yes, but if not, there’s some wonderful depth of field stuff going on there, from a photographer who was clearly in some physical danger at the time it was taken.

Spiritual Rats

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Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them….maybe you can hire The A-Team SPIRITUAL RATS

I know that it seems too good to be true, but you too could get spiritual rats to bring over R400 000 every day to to your room, for just a one-off cost of R150 only, and with free delivery,

That’s so much cheaper than other spiritual rat providers:

And Professor Gaddafi knows what he’s talking about. How could we forget his incredible success with those sacred pigeons, and the millionaires he helped create with his elaborate network of metaphysical cockroaches?

I’m signing up today.

(still better than f*****g squirrels)

Lights

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After this tweet from earlier this month:

I logged onto Facebook and was presented with a handy guide to using your vehicle’s lights. And when I say “handy guide”, I mean that this was making some really important points that some people – even veteran drivers – might not have ever considered.

Brace yourselves.

So, just so we are all clear:

Fog lights in fog – yes. Fog lights not in fog – no.

And:

Turning indicator when turning – yes. Turning indicator when not turning – no.
And never for the straight movement.

I think we’ve all learnt a lot today.