Pack up your things, kids…

…we’re headed for Wet Wipe Island!

OK, so the headline is accurate in so much as an MP – Fleur Anderson – did apparently say that, but it’s still a bit clickbaity: the “major English river” is the Thames; and it’s still a bit sensational: the “changing course” thing sadly hasn’t meant that the whole of Fulham has flooded or anything like that.
But still, there is a Wet Wipe Island according to Anderson:

There’s an island the size of two tennis courts, and I’ve been and stood on it — it’s near Hammersmith Bridge in the Thames, and it’s a metre deep or more in places of just wet wipes. It’s actually changed the course of the Thames.

Thankfully, as a family, we’re now well passed the wet wipe stage, but I completely agree that they are horrible things. I’ve had to unblock a drain clogged with them and they are pretty much indestructible. I would fully support a ban on them – especially now that it would have absolutely no effect on my life.

So yes, they’re awful and they don’t biodegrade, but there might be more to this story that no-one has noticed. Plenty of other things – biodegradable or not – float down the Thames on a daily basis, so if this island is truly made up solely of wet wipes, then it does (to me, at least) suggest that they may somehow have become sentient and are gathering for a potential attack on the city. Otherwise, how have they managed to conglomerate with such precision and at the exclusion of all other flotsam and jetsam?
Fulham might not be flooded yet, but an army of wet wipes (possibly controlled by demons?) (just a working theory) forming numerous wet wipe islands and eventually blocking the Thames would certainly cause major issues for London.

Look, I’m not saying that that’s what’s happening. All I’m saying is just to keep an eye on this story.

And to stop using wet wipes.