Those Argus Results in Full

Congratulations to all those who took part in this year’s Cape Argus Cycle Tour and especially to those who managed to complete the 109km course on what turned out to be such a horrendously windy day – not great conditions for cycling, I’m told. Or at least I’m about to be, over and over and over again.

Anyway, while this website may have become known as a rather vocal critic of the tour and those who choose cycling as their religion of choice, I would like to make it clear that I have the utmost respect for those who get up at stupid o’clock in the morning, dress up in outrageously funny clothing and paralyse the Southern Suburbs for a few hours on a Sunday morning. “Well done”.

With that in mind – here are a list of the whining winning riders and some notable other achievements from the 2009 Cape Argus Pick n Pay Cycle Tour.

1st Lance van Steroid (Team EPO)
2nd Ivan Russianaround (Syringe Boyz)
3rd Steve McCheat (Team McCheat)

Most red lights ignored during training:
Markus Botha (Pretoria) 2,618 – including a remarkable 159 in 2 hours during a reccie visit to Cape Town in February

Widest peloton during training:
19 by UCT Table Tennis Club on M3 Southbound, 4th March 2009, completely blocking the road for 2¾ hours

Squashed by Chappies rockfalls:
James Fortune

Best excuses given for not completing race:
“Bruised left testicle” – Jennifer Viljoen
“Fear of sharks” – Andrew Howard, Danielle Smythe
“Rockfall on Chappies” – James Fortune (from back of ambulance)
“567 Road Show playing Celine Dion in Camps Bay” – 1,691 riders

Best excuses given for not going “sub-three”:
“Like, the wind was just so hectic at Smitswinkel, man.” – Everyone

Yeah, yeah, I know.
More serious special mentions to the Tall Accountant and the Blonde Sales Chick for giving it a go this year and (presumably) surviving.

And – it’s over for for another year. Can we have our peninsula back now, please?

15 thoughts on “Those Argus Results in Full

  1. You know, I get the sneaky feeling you made this all up. Don’t know quite what gave me this idea.

    I think it was Jennifer’s bruised left testicle. Surely you cannot bruise only one? Where was the other one in all this manoeuvring about?

    Po´s last blog post was: Six word Saturday (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  2. Hilarious!

    There certainly were a lot of strange people on the race yesterday! You can have your peninsula back now, we are heading into the mountains for the winter!

  3. Dianie > Why thanks. Hope it wasn’t too bad for you and you got round “sub-10”. Or whatever.

    OL > Please don’t talk about my penisula in public.
    If you could drag your mind away from Freudian slips, I think you’ll find that there is another N in the middle of the word I used.

  4. I don’t really have anything intelligent to say – except that this is a really really funny post. Much appreciated after spending a day on the bike riding through London’s beautiful parks in mud and rain and enjoying every second of it. I really do recommend that you acquire a bicycle one day.

    nonsensical´s last blog post was: Admin (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  5. ns > I cycled for 9 years back in Oxford. So I really do understand their plight. But I also understand that they can be complete tossers too. (Not that I ever was).
    I even got stopped once for “cycling furiously” which, believe it or not, is an old by-law in Oxford.

  6. Emil > I can’t row, no. I jut did the Uni thing, not the rowing thing. Rah rah and all that. I used to snowball the rowers from the towpath.

    And yes – I want the roads and my peniNsular back.

  7. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny > I could ride 50km with my eyes shut and one leg tied behind my back. And without behaving like a twat for the rest of the year.

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