Notes on the switching on of the LHC

The LHC is the Large Hadron Collider, a big circular tunnel under Switzerland (and a bit of France) full of expensive electronic equipment which scientists are going to switch on tomorrow – meaning that the universe is going to end and we’re all going to die. Possibly, anyway. If things do go wrong, then Jacob Zuma may never get his day in court. Poor bugger – he’s been waiting ages!

Look, everyone’s going to be blogging about this tonight and tomorrow, so I won’t waste too much of your (increasingly) valuable time. But just to explain:

Two beams of subatomic particles called ‘hadrons’ – either protons or lead ions – will travel in opposite directions inside the circular accelerator, gaining energy with every lap. Physicists will use the LHC to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, by colliding the two beams head-on at very high energy.

To me it sounds like a whole lot of fun. Although if the British hadron overtakes the Finnish hadron on the chicane, it will probably be disqualified.
But anyway, I’ve checked and discovered that if they do accidentally create little black holes which suck the entire galaxy into a point of singularity (or whatever), my mortgage is covered. Happy days.

So if this is goodbye, then goodbye. And thanks for reading. I’ll leave you with some very sound advice:

I can just see that this is going to be a very productive day…

16 thoughts on “Notes on the switching on of the LHC

  1. Well, if they haven’t turned it on yet – good luck everyone and I’ll see you on the other side of the black hole.

    If they have and we’re still alive, I suppose I had better get on with pretending to work.

    I see Stephen Hawking has bet $100 that they won’t find the Higgs so I think I’ll bet one Castle (beer only, no masonry) that the world won’t end.

  2. Wasn’t there something like this in one of Dan Brown’s novels?

    Truth stranger than fiction or copying fiction, or is it the other way around???

    Pamela’s last blog post was: There is a God! (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  3. Emil » That was just the warm up. The test. They haven’t actually collided anything yet. Give it time – we could still all die instantly next month.

  4. this means i can prostinate a bit longer on the thesis.

    i mean, if the world ends, who cares if i developed a theory of judicial deference in south african administrative law, right?

  5. Here’s the deal… the public is about 50 years behind what really happens in science… this machine was switched on years ago now that they know it wont explode they tell the public and do a public switch on…
    love your site.

    Delton’s last blog post was: This is what is wrong with Hip Hop (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  6. Delton » That’s a brilliant thought. My one question would be why they think this would be the time to release the news? Maybe they’ve noticed that the population of idiots on the planet is growing and there was never going to be a good time?

  7. True
    in the early 1960’s there was a study done that 80% of americans had a mental disorder of some sort…. what do you think that percentage is today?

    Delton’s last blog post was: How true is this? (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  8. speaking of which… did you know on this day in 1979 Safrica was doing nuclear testing… had a guy on the radio this morning that filmed it… vell velly intelesting

    Delton’s last blog post was: How true is this? (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

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