Yes, but really now, what is this?!?

Spotted on local wannabe Amazon-esque site. But what is this?

Well, it’s a Car Temporary Parking Signs Car Mountable Rotatable Cell Phone Holder. Clearly.
That’s what it says at the top of the page. See?

And those last six words make complete sense. I don’t think that having a cellphone in a cellphone holder in front of you while you are driving is a good or necessary thing, but that’s what this thing does, and if you need a Car Mountable Rotatable Cell Phone Holder, then this is a product that you might choose.

But what of the Car Temporary Parking Signs bit? If we assume that the top part of this device is the Car Mountable Rotatable Cell Phone Holder (which it clearly is, because there’s an image of it mounted in a car, holding a cellphone), then a quick extrapolation says that the bottom part is the Car Temporary Parking Signs bit.

Is that row of numbers meant to count down how much time you have left at your current parking spot or something?
Is it in microseconds? That seems unreasonable.
But if so, then that number would represent about 4 hours and 41 minutes. Which seems more reasonable.

But it’s in the car and you – presumably – aren’t. So how do you read it? Unreasonable again.

Let’s see if there’s any more information.

What’s in the box?

1 x Car stop sign.
1 x Digital stickers.

But didn’t I pay for a Car Temporary Parking Signs Car Mountable Rotatable Cell Phone Holder? Why isn’t there one of those in the box? What are those things, and where are they in the images of the Car Temporary Parking Signs Car Mountable Rotatable Cell Phone Holder product that I ordered?

Better head to the product description to sort this out:

wut?

Rotate and hide to avoid annoyance: just turn the display once and turn back to hide in no time.

I… I understand all the words here. Just not together. Not in that order.
“Turn back to hide in no time”? Is that the Rotatable bit? Why would you want to turn back to hide? Is that how one avoids annoyance? Or should it be “turn back time to hide”, and it actually links directly to your flux capacitor?

360 degree arbitrary rotation: free rotation, you want a comfortable angle, ensure good navigation or entertainment perspective.

Arbitrary and free rotation are my favourite sorts of rotation.
You want a comfortable angle. Of course you do. Who wouldn’t?

Prevent locked cars, tickets, body scratches, temporary stop signs and car phone holders.

What? How? HOW?
In what way does this product “prevent locked cars, tickets and body scratches”?
It’s sitting on your dashboard holding your cellphone at a comfortable angle and displaying an implausibly large number.
And haven’t I just bought a car phone holder? And isn’t there a stop sign in the box?
That’s not prevention. That’s… that’s… literally providing those things. Entirely different from prevention.

The simple design and excellent craftsmanship are suitable for most vehicles without disturbing the line of sight, thus ensuring driving safety. It is also a beautiful car decoration that can be freely matched with your car.

If it’s not in your line of sight, then how is it at “a comfortable angle, ensure good navigation or entertainment perspective”?
“Beautiful” is highly subjective and hugely optimistic here.
And how can it be matched with your car if the “Basic Colours: Black”?

Unless your car is black, I suppose.

Material: Silica gel
Package Size: 14.5 x 6 x 13cm

At least it’ll keep your car dry. But DO NOT EAT.

But hang on. Actually, looking at those dimensions – that would be absolutely PERFECT fit for my car!

Oh. Oh dear.

Please someone (not me), buy one of these things and let me know what it does. Especially relating to the prevention of “locked cars, tickets, body scratches, temporary stop signs and car phone holders”.

I’d love to know.