“Trance Party Will Traumatise Monkeys”


Yes, really:

The SPCA is up in arms about a trance party planned for Saturday night at a venue in Monkey Town in Somerset West, which is home to more than 200 primates.

What, Somerset West?
Oh, the monkey zoo place. Sorry. Carry on.

It has threatened to have the organisers arrested if they go ahead with what is billed as “an epic night of thundering bass lines and psychedelic melodies taking us into the blissfulness of each other’s minds”.

Pftt. Is anyone else just hearing the hand-wringingly awful:

Won’t somebody please think of the monkeys?

Without wanting to belittle the SPCA’s concerns in any way, and hopefully without any use of the word “killjoys” (oops), am I alone in thinking that the monkeys might actually enjoy a night of banging trance? Given that they are our closet relatives, and that some humans enjoy trance music, I think it’s worth a go. In addition, there are no lyrics for their puny frontal and parietal lobes to have to struggle with. (It’s also a well known fact that gibbons are well into the rave scene. So it’s really not that much of a stretch.)

But, no. The SPCA attempt to strengthen their argument for having the event cancelled with this line:

“We get repeated complaints from horse owners when trance parties are held in the Boland that the continual thumping and laser lights caused their horses to go crazy.”

But horses aren’t monkeys. Horses are notoriously miserable animals with no opposable thumbs who are generally more into show-jumping and the Industrial Goth scene. They’re obviously going to be irritated by trance’s 4/4 time, 32 beat phrases, time-keeping downbeat kick drum and regular open hi-hat placed on the upbeat or every 1/8th division of the bar. That and the complete lack of challenging fences in the arena.
No wonder they go crazy.

Monkeys though? I reckon that’s right up their tree. And who wouldn’t want to be taken into the blissfulness of a chimpanzee’s mind, anyway?

C’mon SPCA… give it the green light. Just this once. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Next: Overberg Overrun By Lunatic Music Monkeys.

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