The Tale of Blanket Man

More from the free weekly amusement that is the Southern Suburbs Tatler. You may recall the story of the annoying church bells, which they ran a couple of weeks ago.
This time, they’re reporting on a recent Residents’ and Ratepayers’ Association meeting in the suburb of Pinelands.
Now, I’ve no doubt that there are some serious issues being discussed here, but the way that reporter Lauren O’Connor wrote her article left me… bemused.

Several residents complained about two vagrants who frequent Pinelands. One is known as Blanket Man and the other as Beanie Man or Polo Classic.
Councillor Brian Watkyns said people were concerned because Blanket Man masturbates in front of children on their way to school.

Inspector Waters said police have arrested him for malicious damage to property.

Eh? How does that work, then? (Actually, don’t explain).

So, does Inspector W have any tips for getting rid of Blanket Man and his disgusting, depraved, dangerous and damaging “habit”?
Of course he does:

The reason why Blanket Man keeps coming is because people are giving him food.

Indeed. I believe that selenium and zinc are particularly important for that sort of thing.

7 thoughts on “The Tale of Blanket Man

  1. Too funny. Surely he can damage his own “property” if he wants?

    po´s last blog post was: Almost post (Note: 6000 miles… is not responsible for the content of external internet sites)

  2. Po > Not in front of the kids. But it did seem an unusual thing to arrest him for.

    OL > Hmm – interesting that you knew that off the top of your head. Hmm… I wonder…

  3. I can only think of one way in which Blanket Man might be damaging property but you’ve told me not to explain.

    I can’t see it standing up in court … no matter how much zinc and selenium he gets 😉
    .-= Ro´s last blog ..Resistance is Futile? =-.

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