South Africa were a major disappointment under new coach Allister Coetzee and new captain Adriaan Strauss, looking lethargic for much of the game, but Ireland cared little as captain Rory Best hailed his side’s “massive physical performance”.
It doesn’t. Or rather… well… it might, but there’s actually no scientific evidence that it does half the stuff that those seemingly blinkered individuals who are happily gripped in its greasy claws claim it does.
There’s evidence that it probably doesn’t do at least some what it claims to do though, but Ross Tucker, Professor of Exercise Physiology at the University of the Free State, hits the nail on the head with these two tweets detailing how that news will be handled by those in the Cult of Noakes™:
This is a really rubbish column. (No, not this one, the one I’m about to link to.) (Jeez. Don’t be so rude.) (Honestly.)
Anyway, as I was about to say, THIS is a rubbish column. The warning signs are all there. It’s got scare quotes in the title. It’s unscientific, it’s biased, it’s pants. It uses only carefully selected facts from pieces of research that suit its narrative. It’s so bad that you could quite understand sad-faced LCHF cult members holding it up as an example of some of the stuff that their sinister movement has to put up with, while conveniently ignoring the fact that they themselves use exactly the same M.O..
It does the anti-Banting brigade no favours, save for this wonderful analogy of Noakes’ bizarre disciples:
Here’s how I’d describe Noakes’s trusting fans: told by Noakes that they’re flying, they yell: “Look at me” and “So far, so good” as they plummet past a 10th storey window and plunge towards the ground below.
Because yes, when you haven’t yet hit the ground, all does seem to be going to plan. The weight has fallen, you’re full of energy, and you’ve never felt better (maybe because you haven’t thought of the long term consequences). But then that’s probably because no-one really knows what they are.
Even pseudoscientific websites like the medically-challenged dietdoctor and the falsely authoritative authoritynutrition which claim to have “scientific validation” of the long-term safety of the diet, can’t actually provide us with anything more than studies done over 2 years, when you look more closely. That’s certainly long-term if you’re a hamster, and positively eternal if you’re a mayfly, but for humans, that doesn’t really even enter into “medium-term”.
Look, hey. My body is my body. Yours is yours. You’re more than welcome to fill your body with whatever you want as far as I’m concerned. And I even have the manners not to (outwardly) judge you for it. Unlike most of Tim’s weird flock.
Firstly, I’d better explain to overseas readers what the Banting diet is (because contrary to the alleged “Much Bigger Than That Oscar Trial” billing of the recent HPCSA hearing in Rondebosch, virtually no-one outside SA has actually heard of it) – it’s a Low Carbohydrate, High Fat eating plan. And it’s currently all the rage amongst several very vocal and very affluent people in South Africa.
Banting And Chips. That’s going to be the name of my new cookbook. I’m told that other people have done Banting cookbooks, and apparently they’ve been mildly successful, but having looked at the Banting diet, I noted one omission that, if remedied, could make just about every dish therein better: Chips.
Allow me to demonstrate:
Cauliflower tabouleh salad with beef bangers – meh Cauliflower tabouleh salad with beef bangers and Chips – YES PLEASE!
Open chicken burgers, served with a delicious tzatziki – ok Open chicken burgers, served with a delicious tzatziki and Chips – SOUNDS FANTASTIC!
Banting Chocolate and coconut fudge – eww Banting Chocolate and coconut fudge and Chips – NOW WE’RE TALKING!
It’s like the best bits of the Banting diet, fully supported by their cherry-picked stats and lack of peer-reviewed papers, together with the added The Joy Of Chips™. Best of both worlds. Quite why no-one has thought of this before is beyond me. Sales are going to be through the roof. Everyone will be doing it soon. Dodgy reporters with foreign sounding names will be paid to advertise it report on it on second or third rate news sites. I will be loved. More. All that said, I’ll probably stop short of using social media to advise mothers to feed their young children on it. Because even though I’m an accomplished scientist, I have no qualification in paediatric nutrition. So I don’t really know about that sort of thing. Would be silly to do that. So I won’t.
If you’re doing the Banting diet, that’s lovely. I’m happy for you. You can even tell me about it if you like. Oh yes, you already had. I do recall now. But…
Don’t expect me to do it, just because you do it. Don’t tell me that because it “works” for you, it “works” for everyone. Don’t tell me about “all the scientific evidence for it”, because there really ain’t much china, and Don’t tell me that at least some people on the Banting diet aren’t a little bit like people in a cult, raising certain individuals to near-Deity status:
u wot m8?
If you’re in SA (or even if you’re not), you’ll almost certainly be aware of what Mandela did for this country. And sure, yes, he has his detractors, but I think you’d have to argue that his 67 years of selfless struggle, his calls for forgiveness and unity when SA was on the brink of civil war, and his spectacular ambassadorial role around the world, even into old age were something very special. HERO TIM DID MORE THOUGH! And in such a short time too.
The L key is never closer to the N key than when you’re talking about Prof Tim’s cult following. Because wait, there’s more:
Yeah, I’m equally lost, but I can only think that “@lowcarbJC” (I never trust anyone with a football team name in the twitter handle to be a reasonable individual, let alone a frikkin’ diet tip) is referring to anyone that thinks it’s OK to eat carbs as a “Genocide group”. Frankly, it’s incredible that the human race has survived this long without Tim advocating bombing Syria. Or something. Perhaps that’s why “we” (whoever “we” are) are unable to fight ISIS. Perhaps it’s merely because Tim hasn’t given us the go-ahead. But then, why bother? Unless ISIS are all on LCHF (which they’re surely not), presumably they’re going to be dead soon anyway. That would save a lot of bother.
I wonder, has anyone told Mr Putin?
The only advantage of the Banting diet as far as I can see is that once those cult members people doing it succumb to premature cardiovascular disease, we can have their oily remains melted down to make candles to sell for charity.
Hmm. I appear to have strayed somewhat from my original cookbook promotional plan. I’ll let you (and lowcarbJC) know when I’ve shamelessly stolen some egg white and cauliflower-based recipes, added fries to them and written it all down.