Religion and Rain

It’s been a hectic few days in South Africa as we all await the allegedly imminent departure of corrupt old bastard Jacob Zuma. In fact, by the time you read this, he may already have departed.

Or not.

But all of that excitement has been taking our attention away – as much as anything ever can – from the water crisis, which has now apparently been solved.

Or has it?

As reported earlier in the week, Day Zero “The Day When The Taps Will Be Turned Off” and/or “The Day We May Have To Queue For Water” was moved back by almost a month. This was due to quite a lot of the Eikenhof Dam in Grabouw being released into the Palmiet River to feed into the Cape Town supply, while at the same time the agricultural sector announced that they would be using less water over the next few months.

Or was it?

Because while it seems fairly obvious that these interventions will have a marked effect (like for example, moving Day Zaro back about a month), arrogant and loudmouthed charlatan Pastor Mboro says it’s all down to him.

I want to pray for dams in Cape Town and prove that prayer works. On April 12 the dams will not be on 0%. They (anyone who has predicated that day zero will be on April 12) are not God. The problem is that they didn’t consult with God. To show how effective my prayer is they have now moved the date from  12 April to 12 May.

What a dickhead.

The thing is, other loudmouthed charlatans have a different view on things. Take Angus Buchan for example. He must be amazed that Day Zero has moved out, because he told us this week that:

God is angry with Cape Town

And why?

He’s had enough! …Of the abuse of women and children, gangsterism, lawlessness – He’s had enough!

Well, haven’t we all?

This has opened a right can of worms though, because other areas not suffering with drought include Johannesburg, which isn’t exactly known for being the most law-abiding place on the planet.
Also Nottingham, and that’s a real scummy dump.

But pointing out that sort of thing doesn’t fit the narrative, so we’re expected to ignore it.

Angus’ mass prayer meeting, “paid for by God and guarded by gangsters” (I know, right?), will:

…come against crime, murder, disrespect for human life, prostitution, alcoholism, drug addiction, racialism and hatred.

and will be held in Mitchells Plain:

because it is the hottest place in South Africa.

The SA Weather Service begs to differ:

But who cares about facts when you have faith?

Sadly Angus can only get to us on March 24th, so I guess that we’ll have to rely on Pastor Mboro to fill in the gaps in the intervening seven weeks or so. Although some people might be wondering why Angus is coming anyway, given that it was only in a couple of months ago in November that there was this:

By March next year there will be no drought in the Western Cape and the dams will be full, said well-known lay preacher and potato farmer Angus Buchan as he prayed for “spiritual and physical rain” in Parliament on Friday.

So that March 24th date doesn’t quite fit.

His prayer followed shortly after he alleged that a woman rose from the dead after he prayed for her.

Oh. OK then.
I think we’ve found the level.

What an arsehole.

So, to sum up: we’ve got Mboro til May 12th, Angus from March 24th (although also from March 1st) and… oh… and the Department of Water and Sanitation this weekend:

Yep. Devoid of any other practical plan aside from filling the pockets of her corrupt colleagues, the Minister has resorted to begging us to pray.

What a completely useless individual.

The really, really irritating thing is that we are actually forecast some rain on Friday night. Normally I would be over the moon, but sadly, this is going to be used by each and every one of these dubious characters as firm evidence that God is listening and acting. The fact that He’s been well on his way to killing every plant in the Western Cape for the past three years will escape them, as will the fact that previous efforts of this kind (and there have been many) have completely failed to make any difference at all.

I predict some quotes:

Pastor Mboro: “I came to Cape Town, Day Zero was moved back a month and then it rained as well. Boom. My latest DVD is available in the foyer. Mind my R2 million BMW on your way out.”

Angus Buchan: “I said I was coming to Cape Town, Day Zero was moved back a month and then it rained as well. And I raised a woman from the dead. Boom. My latest book is available in the foyer. Don’t be gay.”

Minister Nomvula Mokonyane: “I said to pray because I needed to avoid giving any practical assistance to the DA-led Western Province, Day Zero was moved back a month and then it rained as well. Frankly, I’m rather annoyed.”

What’s actually happening is that a cold front is hitting the Cape.

But it was sent by God, obviously.

 

If govt can keep da lama out so can they keep satanis out

YES!

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So says michangel.justice while commenting on this channel24.com post:

The South African Council of Churches is planning to prevent Lady Gaga from performing in South Africa

Now, if this were a campaign based on her musical efforts, I could understand – I could even join in. But no. SACC are not worried about that, they’re worried about this:

The church group has now raised their concerns, stating that they are in fact worried about the “destructive impact” Lady Gaga can have on South Africa’s youth.
Reverend Mxolisi Sonti, secretary of the youth forum, told Beeld they are afraid of the extent of Satanism in South Africa at this time, and that Gaga’s visit could lead to an exponential growth of Satanism.

One wonders if anyone has told them about YouTube, DVDs or the many other ways that people can listen to Gaga’s gaga message whether or not she actually comes to South Africa. You can also find out about real Satanists on the internet, which will be available in South Africa until Uncle Jacob says its not ok any more.

SACC’s stance follows on from the Facebook group: South Africa: No to Lady Gaga and satanists [sic] which was launched when the concerts were announced and has already reached the heady heights of 378 likes. There are ample opportunities for your reading enjoyment on there. It’s like a plethora of michangel.justices attempting to justify themselves.

The group is currently planning a march to the department of Arts and Culture in Pretoria on Friday, where they will be handing over a written request to the department in a plea to stop Gaga from coming to South Africa.

Of course, I’m all for these people being able to voice their opinions. Individuals should not be gagged just because of their religious views. Sadly, for Mxolisi, michangel et al, that goes for Satanists as well – not that I believe Lady Gaga is necessarily one of them. Can you imagine if Satanists marched on Parliament calling for some Christian singer to be banned?

Uproar. Bedlam. Hilarity.

Maybe if these people want to increase support for their cause they should bring over some popular Christian singer, leading to an exponential growth of Christianity.

I wonder why that hasn’t happened yet?