A parent on a local Whatsapp group has single-handedly ended the Coronavirus/Covid-19 world pandemic.
During a discussion around the need for safety protocols including sanitising your hands and wearing a mask* at an indoor venue, the parent happened to remark:
But really now I am so over this already
And added a facepalm emoji for extra gravitas (please note that touching one’s face is not recommended).
Anyway, it seems that someone important was reading the aforementioned Whatsapp group, as a statement from the SARS-CoV-2 virus was issued very shortly afterwards. It’s fairly lengthy, so I’m not going to share the whole thing, but here’s some of what the spokesperson had to say.
As the officially recognised causal agent of the Covid-19 pandemic, the SARS-Cov-2 virus was both disappointed and alarmed to learn that one of the parents in the [redacted] Whatsapp group was “so over this already”. It was believed that the human population of the planet were at least content with the situation as it currently stands. We had no idea that people were unhappy with how things were going.
Someone should have said something.
While it was always our intention to kill as many people as possible – a goal assisted by individuals being “so over” wearing masks, washing their hands and socially distancing – we’d like to keep our relationship with mankind as amicable as possible, and so we will be ending the global pandemic with immediate effect.
We would have done this much sooner if we had known that really now people were so over this already.
So there you have it.
If only someone had made the point that really now they were so over this already previously.
We could have avoided an awful lot of fuss.
Personally, really now I’m so over people ignoring Covid-19 regulations because really now they are so over this already.
Want more regulations? Then just keep choosing to ignore the ones we have now.
Very straightforward stuff.
* clutches pearls, fans face, faints dramatically