Episode V of the Star Wars trilogy.
No, this concerns the house from which we are moving in the near future (Covid-willing). It’s striking back – hence the title of this post.
I’m not for one moment suggesting that the house is a sentient thing, is aware that we are moving out, and – a bit pissed off about the whole situation – is taking some sort of preemptive revenge*, but at the same time, I actually am.
Because that’s pretty much exactly what is happening.
First off there’s the mandatory inspections for electric fence, plumbing, beetles, electrics and gas. This is like an MOT or a Roadworthy for your house, done each time you move, and it’s there to make sure that the new residents aren’t moving in to a death trap, even if you’ve been living in one.
And apparently, we have.
Because regulations have changed (a lot!) during our long stay here (almost 16 years), because some builders clearly took some shortcuts when working on our place (lesson learned), and because wiring deteriorates, our house doesn’t comply in a number of ways, all of which require remediation.
On the plus side, I completely recognise the need for this and we’re also going to be moving into a house which has also been inspected and made safe.
But that’s (expensive, but) standard stuff. It’s the little niggles that the house has thrown up since it discovered that we were leaving it that are causing us more problems. A jammed outside door, a gas hob plate that’s suddenly not working (and even after being fixed twice, still insists on not working) and a lawn that is defying the fertilisers and the watering and just being yellow. Oh, and then the hosepipe just burst on me**, which wasn’t actually that bad since it’s stupid degrees Celsius out there today, but still – you get my point, right?
We have another few weeks to get through here before the new house – irritated that we were instrumental in taking away its previous and much-beloved owners – takes on the mantle.
* is this a thing? wouldn’t it just be “venge”?
** no, I wasn’t watering during the day. conciliate your breasts.