Nearly there

I was just going through my usual Sunday morning routine of curing inoperable brain tumours in little children by clicking Facebook LIKE buttons, when suddenly, there was incoming communication from @JacquesR:

Three years after launching it, this Cape Party petition for Western Cape independence is 4/10 of the way there:

And he’s right.

Western Cape to become an independent state.

Why is it listed under “Crime”? The Cape Party are just a bit rubbish, they’re not criminals.

The other thing I can’t understand is how such a significant attempt to install an independent government in the Cape has slipped under the radar for so long. I think we’ve all had the feeling that too many political organisations rely solely on the ballot box and the democratic process.
But, as we know, that simply didn’t work for the Cape Party as they only managed to scrape 0.09% of the local vote.

It’s a tall order to govern any country effectively when fewer than 1 in 1000 people are supporting you. In fact, as the ANC have showed us, it’s apparently pretty tough to govern any country effectively full stop.

As far as I am aware, the ANC has yet to resort to online petitions. Given their efficacy (the petitions, not the ANC), one has to wonder why. After all, recently, several petitions on have been attributed the reversal of a United Airlines Dog Policy. And if clicking a checkbox means that your spaniel can fly across the States, then I’m obviously all for it.

In fact, many people believe that online petitions are the worst examples of “slacktivism”, like dancing on a beach, wearing a certain colour of clothing or sticking a red plastic rhino horn on the front of your car. That is, it’s an all too easy way to make yourself feel that you are doing something, when actually, you are having no effect whatsoever. It’s merely a panacea for your conscience, not for the problem you are supposedly highlighting.

To me, it speaks volumes that the Cape Party’s online petition  is floundering at 40% completion after three years of trying. So even when all people have to do to express their support is to click a link , they don’t.

Someone once said: “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results”. The fact that the Cape Party continue to push for Cape independence and expect people to agree with them simply proves that they are all quite, quite mad.

Cape Party in Sense Of Humour Shock

We’ve had “a few” run ins with the Cape Party over the years here on

We suggested that they wanted to turn the Cape into France:

Normandy is a bit out of proportion, but that Southern coast looks dangerously familiar.

We questioned where they got their logo from:

Did all three of them sit down and have a meeting about it? Was it a rough doodle? Or was there some other source?

And then we roundly mocked them when they did badly in the 2011 elections:

It’s not just me, it’s the entirety of the Western Cape that thinks your idea is a bad idea.

But fair play to the Cape Party, when the wicked weather over the Eastern Cape effectively removed a large chunk of the N2, they stepped in with this comment:


Nice try, guys. Nice try.
Keep dreaming.

Cape Party make huge strides on “Turn Cape into France” effort

Regular readers will remember last year’s infamous Cape Party want to turn the Cape into France Shock! post, in which I suggested that, shockingly, the Cape Party wanted to turn the Cape into France and which was revived recently by commenter Lourens Camphor’s fantastic PERHAPS YOU ARE A BABY!!! allegation:

Check the party emblem and compare the shape of the new Cape Republic to… France:

OK, Normandy is a bit out of proportion, but that Southern coast looks dangerously familiar.

It was because of this concerning similarity that I looked into the Cape Party in greater detail. And look what I found as the very first line in their Vision for The Cape Republic:

The Cape Republic is roughly the size of France

Oh – isn’t that convenient???

So we look like France and we’re about the same size as France. Now all that is needed is an hatred of the British because you once lost a war to them.

The selfish motives of politicians a political system that is as racially divisive and oppressive as the others that have plagued this land since the British Empire forced the Union of South Africa upon us in 1910…


Further evidence: constant references to Cape Provence and suggested adoption of the Swiss system of voting – a country where they speak French and which borders France.  In addition, the Cape Party headquarters is in Franschhoek. Need I say more, except for informing you that I actually made this last bit up – they’re actually based in Claremont. Which sounds very much like Clermont-Ferrand, which is in France.

The Cape Party’s performance in last year’s municipal elections was undeniably dreadful, gathering, as they did, a whole 0.09% of the vote in the Western Cape. And thus, we thought (Lourens aside) that this issue was over and done with.

Not so, it seems, because Cape Town’s Llandudno beach has now been annexed. BY THE FRENCH!!!

Yes, in what is described by Steve Turton, Managing Director of UK-based The Line Agency as:

a genuine, absolute mistake

it seems that photos of Llandudno beach, a short sprint down the Atlantic Seaboard from Cape Town CBD, are being used to advertise holidays in Normandy. WHICH IS IN FRANCE!!!

This error was spotted by eagle-eyed (you’ll see what I did there) ex-Capetonian, Bradford Bird.

Billboards displayed in London Underground stations advertising cheap travel to the French north coast have left a UK creative agency red-faced when it was discovered the beach pictured, was actually Llandudno in Cape Town.

The billboard poster produced for the French tourism authority, Atout France, shows a family running along a beach under the headline ‘Sprint finish on the Northern France Coast’.

The distinctive rocks on the spur of land in the background, however, unequivocally identify the beach as Llandudno.
The faux-pas was spotted by former Llandudno local, Bradford Bird, who now works in London as a photographer.

Genuine, absolute mistake, my arse. Sure, there is granite in both areas and both contain a phat amount of silica – durr! it’s granite!! –  but in Normandy it’s Barfleur granite, with limited quantities of Rubidium, Strontium, Caesium and Barium. And as Graindor and Wasserburg highlighted in 1962, it’s only around 330 million years old. Cape granite, like that in the photograph, regularly demonstrates magmatic crystallization ages of over 500 million years.

Do you take us for idiots, Steve?

Also, am I really the only one who, when rearranging the letters of “Steve Turton” gets “The Cape Party” (or something ever so slightly similar, anyway)? This is merely the start of a heinous plan by the defeated hoard of Cape Party supporters (both of them) in carrying out their party’s wishes without due democratic process. Just wait until images of Stellenbosch are passed off as the Rhone Valley, Mossel Bay as Calais and that funny little bit of scaffolding on top of the MetLife Centre as the Eiffel Tower.

We are on a slippery slope.

I will utilise this blog post to serve as a record of any further attempts at franco-colonisation of the Western Cape. Please point out any sudden and/or concerning similarities between these two completely separate geographical areas in the comments section below.

Vive le différence! (as they say in Mitchell’s Plain).

Where did the Cape Party get its logo?

Yes, yes, I know. The election is gone. As is the Cape Party with their utterly miserable and rather embarrassing showing of about 1,400 votes. But then I just had a thought.
Hypothetically, should they win and declare the Cape independent, exactly where would the borders be? After all, while it roughly follows the borders of the Northern and Western Cape provinces, it’s certainly not exact – especially with that chunk of Eastern Cape coast included.

Well, it stands to reason that they would be wherever was needed to make the new state the (francesque) shape of the Cape on their logo, thus:

And that’s all well and good. But then I wondered where they had got that particular shape from. Did all three of them sit down and have a meeting about it? Was it a rough doodle? Or was there some other source?

And then I found this page on wikipedia, which featured this image and while observing the form of the (ironically) pale bit, realised that I need wonder no more:

“Map showing the proportion of the South African population
that self-described as “Black African” in the 2001 census”

But no – it’s surely just chance, right (even that chunk of Eastern Cape coast)?


Well, I think that this says it all:

Yes, it would seem that less one in every thousand people want the Cape to be turned into France.
And who can blame the other 999.1 people who think that it’s a terrible idea?

Now, I’m not a bad loser – not ever – but it does suddenly seem like I am a very bad winner.
So, Walter Laurie and your:

Even you have to admit that Cape party support is growing, and that their push toward Cape self-rule has some credibility. No?

No. Because just when we thought it really couldn’t get any smaller, it looks to me like your already pisspoor 0.13% share of the vote in the 2009 National Elections has somehow managed to decrease by 31%.
Thirty-one percent!


But it’s not just me, it’s the entirety of the Western Cape that thinks your idea is a bad idea.
And so now, with apologies to the immortal words of Bjørge Lillelien, I say to you:

Walter Laurie, Chris du Plessis, Erecting a big wall somewhere near Port Elizabeth, John M Riggs and your racist comments, The Cape Republic, Jack Miller, Jack Miller, can you hear me? Your boys took a hell of a beating.
Your boys took a hell of a beating.

Now, let’s all look forward to the Cape Party support “growing” in numbers and credibility in the next elections in 2014.