As brilliantly described by Andy Salzman on the Bugle Podcast this week, and as adequately transcribed for posterity by me.

…at Bertie Beefcake’s Big Burger Bonanza in Mogadishu, the world’s first triple Michelin-starred burger van, owned by the former bodybuilder Bertram Harpoon, whose burgers include his signature thrice-slapshotted puck of ruthlessly-executed, guilt-free cow, served between two sesame-besieged mattressèes of yeast-inflated and heat-metamorphed, wheat-influenced dough, besauced with a deconstructed and reconstructed ketchupine rouge de tomato squeegé, comfortingly blanketed with a rectangulant of time-ripened, coagulated, udder-originated lactotem of maternal bovoid.

Or to give it its nickname, the cheeseburger.
Also comes with a slice of gherkin.

If you want to hear him do it (and you really should) here’s the Soundcloud link – whisk through to 19:00 and you can enjoy it “in person”, as it were. Very, very funny.

EDIT: The review of celebrity chef Sclutan Malvane’s new Parisian restaurant Le Conscience de Mort [sic] which follows the cheeseburger passage isn’t half bad, either.