Ah, the divine VAF1B.
I’ve spent my entire morning filling in three of them to apply for UK visas for my wife, my son and my daughter. Ten pages per application, with crippling repetition, bizarrely detailed requests for bizarre details and stupid questions galore.
In times of either peace or war have you ever been involved in, or suspected of involvement in, war crimes, crimes against humanity or genocide?
Seriously now, who – when applying for permission to enter the UK – is going to answer “Yes” to that one (and then provide full relevant detail in section 9)?
Certainly not my 10-month old daughter. And how can you commit war crimes in times of peace, anyway?
There was a worried look on the face of little Alex as I asked him question 6.14 though:
Have you engaged in any other activities that might indicate that you may not be considered a person of good character?
Especially after he had snatched the cuddly singing snake off his sister earlier in the day. I thought I’d better inform the UK Border Agency of that little incident, since they seem to want to know absolutely bloody everything:
When did you last visit the toilet and was it for number ones or number twos? (If number twos, please fully describe consistency of motion in section 9).
But despite even the most made-up of questions and the infinite detail to be provided, South Africa’s Department of Home Affairs still holds the record for the stupidest form ever. Their BI-24 allows you to register your child’s birth, but in the answer space for “Country of Birth”, fails to provide enough spaces for you to write “South Africa”.
I hope heads rolled. Seriously.