R437 is a poor effort at the Nellie

From news24:

Cape Town – A man who duped a bartender at the Mount Nelson Hotel in Cape Town to serve him with liquor to the value of R437, but could not pay for it, was fined R3 000 or six months on a charge of theft on Monday.
Dean Jacobs, 43, was also sentenced to an additional R3 000 or six months for the theft of a TV set that was attached to a wall at The Bay Hotel in Greenpoint.
Lawyer Sharon Williams told the court that Jacobs falsely informed the reception at the Mount Nelson Hotel in October 2006 that he was waiting for a friend to bring him his wallet so that he could book into the hotel.
In this manner, he was given a bar tab which permitted him access to the bar where he could drink on credit.
It is only when he already owed R437 for drinks, food and cigarettes, that the bartender approached him for payment. In his inebriated state, he admitted to the barman that he had lied and that he had no money.

Among the items listed on the charge sheet were a burger costing R60, eight beers, four Jack Daniels whiskies, a gin and four Amaretto liquers.

A number of thoughts spring immediately to mind here.

Firstly, how thick are the Mount Nelson’s bar staff? Why did the bartender not think to question why Jacobs had a television set, marked “Property of The Bay Hotel, Greenpoint” and still resplendent with twisted wall brackets, on his lap?

Secondly, why did it take the bartender 17 drinks (and a burger) to work out that Jacobs’ “friend” might not be turning up with his wallet? I wonder if it was as Jacobs crossed the unwritten threshold of R436 that the barman suddenly thought he’d better step in and ask for at least the first installment? Thanks to news24’s detailed reporting on how to dupe the Mount Nelson, I may pop in there tomorrow with a stolen tv, then carefully add up drinks and snacks to the value of R435 before I get sozzled, fall over twice and head for the car park.

Working on my average drinking rates, I’m going to say that we’re looking at an absolute minimum of 2½ hours of boozing there. Although, Jacobs is obviously an expert. Still, you can tell how bad things were getting as he slipped from the staples of beer and JD into the shady underworld of gin and almond liqueur. It’s the alcoholic equivalent of allowing one’s standards to drop and taking the ugly girl home from the nightclub. Actually, thinking about it, almond liqueur sounds more like he was ready to take the ugly bloke home… 

Thirdly, why on earth did he not go for a few stupidly pricey drinks at the start? The Mount Nelson is notoriously posh and expensive – to only rack up R437 (that’s about £32 or $63 for my non Saffa readers), well… it’s actually a damn poor show. Pathetic, even.
I would have fined him another three grand just for that.   

Finally, you’d think that news24 (South Africa’s premier news source) would have a spellchecker that might notice the fact that the word liqueur actually has two U’s.

Picky. I know.

Ooh – and photos from Franskraal, as promised in my last post, are now available at my flickr.

Hole    Franskraal    Boo!    Hello!    Rock    Sunset


9 thoughts on “R437 is a poor effort at the Nellie

  1. DelBoy: Well, this is South Africa.

    But seriously, no. Not home. I’d never sleep if I hadn’t returned that stolen telly.

  2. 🙂
    I think the paltry R437 can (obviously) be reasoned as follows:
    a) Manto’ health warnings (and not her actions) and
    b) http://www.cracked.com/article_15777_generation-10-reasons-your-grandpa-could-drink-you-under-table.html

    Oh, and make sure that when you’re at the Nellie, you’re in time for tea – then you can have your cake and eat it, so to speak.

    On the spelling booboo … well now … sometimes grammar is an optional extra as well. If that’s your cup of tea, have a go at http://www.iol.co.za articles.

  3. Well if the bartender was one of the people I know who works there…then it’s absolutely believable that he was helluva stupid till that threshold.
    I agree though, that’s a pathetic amount to run the tab up to at the Mount Nelson.

    Awesome pictures!

  4. s – Manto would have added another zero onto that figure, no worries. And re: IOL – of course. They’re all as bad as each other.

    Koosh – I met a lovely waitress at Planet Bar. She gave me free beer all night until she made me pay for it at the end. If only I’d have taken the Jacobs’ approach…

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