What’s for dinner tonight, Dad?

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Well, we’re fresh out of Plov (although it did last us for a couple of nights).

So, since we’re being all exotic and stuff* – how about some Mettigel?

Mettigel is a portmanteau of sorts: Mett – essentially meat, (but actually raw pork), and Igel – hedgehog. It’s from Germany, and is described thus:

Germany’s Hedgehog Sculpted From Meat

Wow. You had me at… er… “hedgehog”, maybe?

Maybe not.

Leonie Schreiber, a 33-year-old copywriter and designer from Cologne, takes about a pound of uncooked, lightly seasoned ground pork, forms the meat into an oblong shape and sticks it all over with onion slices until it’s covered in “spines.” A couple of olives, capers, or peppercorns for eyes and a nose, and the illusion is complete.

No. No. The illusion is that this is a hedgehog, or indeed that this is any sort of foodstuff that any reasonable person would eat, is far from complete.

Don’t believe me? OK. Judge for yourself.

The only thing I see there is a desperate longing for the sweet embrace of death in those eyes.

It’s actually pretty harrowing.

It should be pointed out that Leonie’s Instagram handle is Mettfluencer, and she has an incredible range of meat related merchandise on her feed, so it stands to reason that she is trying to push the Mettigel idea out into the world.

Ah Jesus.

According to a German culinary historian, the Mettigel became popular during the Wirdschaftswunder – the period of rapid economic growth in Germany after the Second World War.

Dinner gatherings were no longer formal sit-down affairs, but American-style “parties” with a buffet of cold dishes. As a party food, Mettigel checked all the boxes: “It’s fun, it goes great with beer, men like it because it has a lot of meat, and it’s easy to make. All you have to do is decide if you’re using onions or pretzel sticks for the spines.”

I think they might be using the wrong boxes.

But… it’s raw meat. Well, yes, but the argument is that because it’s raw meat, you source top quality pork, of whose provenance you are certain. But still:

Raw pork has been the culprit in numerous salmonella outbreaks. But it’s a risk party hosts are willing to take for a dish that “makes people happy,” as Schreiber says.

Yep. Priorities are important here. Can’t sell those “Mettwoch” socks if no-one is eating Mett, right?

* do we count Uzbekistan as “exotic”?

Bring back Bok!

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Note: I ran the concept of this post past a reader before I wrote it, and I got the impression that I maybe needed to find a different angle. This can like to be that angle.

Now. On with the post.

Bring back Bok!

That was my cry when I started getting adverts and flyers for this concert all over my socials and emails:

For those who aren’t aware, I have been plagued by Afrikaans singing sensation Bok van Blerk for many years now. Much like Herpes, your presence on his mailing lists is something that you simply can’t get rid of, no matter how many drugs you take or how desperately you try.

But could Lighthouse – that’s these guys:

We are Lighthouse, a family band that loves making music for Jesus, our Lord, and Savior!

actually be worse than Bok?

Yes. Yes, I rather think that they could.

They’ve been aggressively marketing their upcoming Praise and Worship Aand (evening) in Struisbaai this weekend all over my internet. They might even have taken it further: I haven’t looked at the front of my house, but it wouldn’t surprise me if their ubiquitous message had been daubed all over there as well.

They’ve also been punting their BIG SONG: Fear Of The Lord (negative reinforcement is rarely a successful means of control, and this title doesn’t seem to suggest a good way to run any sort of organisation to me) in partnership with the popular series “The Chosen”, on Youtube (76 subscribers).
They tell us:

Go stream it free on The Chosen App. It’s a must-watch!

Hmm. Citation required.

At this point, I usually say something along the lines of:

I did this, so you don’t have to.

But in this case: no chance. You’re on your own.

I did watch the music video though:

Part smiley Jesus (especially when he realises that he’s turned the water into wine, lol), part Afrikaans singing family in their local school hall.

But wait. There’s more!

Binge Jesus for Free on thechosen[dot]tv/app

How exactly do you “Binge Jesus”? What does that process involve?

Yes, in the video, it does seem like he’s a nice bloke.
Yes, in the video, she does seem to have a pretty good voice.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to get tangled up with what almost exactly half of Americans think saved Donald Trump from that bullet in Pennsylvania.

Let’s cut to the chase: I won’t be down in Struisbaai this weekend, and so I won’t be seeing Lighthouse in concert at the Suiderlig Dienssentrum. I will miss Pastor Walters Joubert from Bredasdorp.

Their appeal to:

Kom geniet die Aand saam met ons!

has fallen upon stony ground.

They should at least understand that metaphorical reference.

Meanwhile, in a cruel twist of fate, look who has pulled into my inbox again this afternoon:

This time, he’s singing about the threat that the Afrikaans people and language are [allegedly] facing, and trying to inspire (and here I quote):

…a new generation of Afrikaners who would like to remember the past, preserve it and build on what was good.

Ah yes. The good old days in South Africa.

Bit awkward. Especially since the title of the song is in Dutch (although there is a lengthy backstory, which I read, so you don’t have to) (see? I am a nice guy, really).

Oh man. Nationalist politics or Organised religion?

My two most very favourite things which are doing so much the make the world a better place right now.

Shall we just not?

Was that ok? Do you think?

I made Plov

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As part of my Cuisine of Landlocked Countries series – in fact, to actually start it* – I headed (metaphorically, at least) for the doubly landlocked Uzbekistan. And I made Plov.

 Plov is so important to Uzbek cuisine and culture that it is featured as Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO. Nationwide competitions are held to see who can make the best plov.  It is of great social and cultural significance to the local population and as a consequence, served at all big events and ceremonies. 

Plov – pronounced “Plov” – is a popular Uzbek dish, and is really easy to make. Lamb, rice, carrots and onions make up the bulk of the dish, with a few spices and the surprising addition of barberries.

I used this recipe, but because I’d never heard of barberries (because honestly, who has?), I substituted some dried cranberries and some sumac as an alternative. It worked really well. Flavourful, almost sweet, rice, and some good hearty chunks of lamb in the mix.

I’m not claiming to be a huge expert on central Asian cuisine, nor an amazing cook, but my Plov was quite literally the best Plov that I have ever tasted.

Give it a go.

* and possibly to also finish it.

Finally! The Tram EM 2024 report is here!

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I mentioned it here:

Before we even go any further, can we just acknowledge that – much like the link for the European Tram Driver Championships – I didn’t request this?

But that was all I did.

I couldn’t make it to Frankfurt to watch the action because even though there’s a direct flight five times a week…

…I had other things on, and quite frankly either not enough courage or too much common sense to try and justify the price of the trip to Mrs 6000.

Maybe both.

But I knew that The Tim Traveller wouldn’t let his viewers down, and he gave us this dramatic report of the events of the day:

And not to give too much away, but in the tightest finish EVER in a European Tram Driver Championship Final, the 2024 winners were clearly Hungary for success.

Roll on Vienna next year. Which is basically the opposite of a hot dog when you think about it.

Table Mountain National Park actually very safe because of the work done by Table Mountain National Park, says Table Mountain National Park.

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There have been concerns about crime “on the Mountain” – and all over Table Mountain National Park – for several years now. The proximity of the park to Cape Town (it’s basically in it and all around it), and Cape Town and South Africa being what they are, well… it was always going to be a problem.

And there are a number of measures that you can take to be safer out there: Walk in groups, not on your own. Avoid crime hotspots. Tell people where you’re going and when you’ll be back. Don’t flash your valuables. etc etc etc.

All good until you are victim.

But apparently, things aren’t as bad as the media are making out. Who could have guessed?

South African National Parks (SANParks) has taken note of reports suggesting that there are growing concerns of crime in Table Mountain National Park (TMNP). Considering official statistics and visitor numbers, such expressions are speculative and may cause unnecessary alarm which undermines worthy and successful efforts. Over the last year, the official crime statistics have drastically decreased from 16 and 32 respectively in October and November 2023 to 6 in July 2024 and 3 in August 2024.

Which seems like good news, but then this report came out on the same day:

Hikers and runners are being cautioned to be extra vigilant after a couple was allegedly brutally attacked on Slangkop mountain above Kommetjie on Thursday 5 September.
In a statement on social media, Friends of Table Mountain commented that it was unfortunate to report on the attack, which allegedly left one of the victims with potentially life-threatening injuries.

And I do wonder what constitutes a crime statistic, since our niece’s car was broken into on TMNP property in August. Does that get counted? It’s seems almost impossible to think that was one third of all the crime across 221 square kilometres of National Park in a whole month.

And there’s a telling off for the media outlets as well in the TMNP post:

These are objective and verifiable statistics. As such, SANParks vehemently discourages the use of unverifiable and subjective statistics. Whilst we encourage engagement by all parties with data and information that can assist us in the management of TMNP, we have never received credible information suggesting that currently deployed approaches are incorrect. Using speculative and unverifiable statistics, which are not supported by verifiable evidence and science, could lead to reckless and indefensible decision-making, which SANParks cannot afford.

I’m a big fan of supporting stuff with verifiable evidence and science.
So: well done, TMNP.

However, I’m also a big fan of independent agencies reporting crime statistics. Not the guys who are running the security effort, or the guys who need the visitors to not be put off coming to their National Park by some off-putting crime statistics.

And thus I’m really not sure who to believe here.

Take care out there.