Day 383 – Using your beagle as a sports betting partner

… a beginners go-to guide.

I’m always getting questions about the beagle and ways in which it could possibly be useful. Usually, I’m completely lost as to how to provide any truthful answer to those asking, but it seems that I might actually have stumbled upon a potential application for said canine: sports betting.

I don’t do much sports betting, and when I do, it’s just for fun, rather than trying to make any huge profit from it. The thrill of predicting the win or the result or the scorer is what I’m after, not enough cash to feed the family for the rest of the month. Mostly, anyway. But I’ve never put any money on golf before. I have limited interest in watching lots of (predominantly) American men trying to stroke their balls as few times as possible. However, that was before I caught sight of Bryson Dechambreau (French name, American bloke) and his weird swing. Careful now.

I asked resident 6000 miles… golf expert, the Tall Accountant, about him and we had a short but informative exchange about who might or might not win the US Masters golf tournament. I came out of that conversation with 2 names in mind: Mr OfBedroomWater* and last year’s winner and competition favourite (and husband of Wayne Gretzky’s daughter) (just google it) Dustin “DJ” Johnson. Probably no point betting on either of those though, because one wasn’t going to win and the other was too big a favourite and when he did win (spoiler: he didn’t), you’d get R3.50 back for your efforts. So I chose two other non-American names at random (apart from them not being American, obviously): Canada’s Corey Conners and Japan’s Hideki Matsuyama. But then again, there’s no point in betting on all of them to win because that can’t happen, and so I decided to allow the beagle to choose what I should do. However, simply asking the beagle which one of these competitors was worthy of my hard-earned cash seemed to fall – quite literally – upon deaf ears. It’s not like the beagle ever listens to me anyway, unless there’s food involved. And that was the thought that gave me my great idea: I’d get an answer using a system not dissimilar to the Paul the Octopus thing during the 2010 World Cup.

I assigned each of my would-be heroes to a equally sized piece of bacon-flavoured beagle biscuit and placed them carefully on the floor in the kitchen. Corey Conners got snaffled well before the official start due to my foolish trust of the beagle, and had to be replaced. But then, with the kitchen door closed and the beagle on one side of it and the biscuits on the other, I reacquainted myself one more time with each of the crunchy golfers and then released the hound.

And there was no question of who the beagle was going for – making a direct bee-(gle)-line straight to Mr Matsuyama before immediately gobbling down Messrs Conners, Johnson and BonjourCavaBienMerciEtToi.

And that’s why my money went on the Japanese guy who would eventually, some 3½ days later, win the 2021 US Masters Golf Competition and win me untold riches. Well done beagle, well done Mr Matsuyama, well done me.

So, should you be struggling over a decision involving this sort of thing, please just remember that in 2016, a crack commando dog was sent to prison by a veterinary court for a crime it didn’t commit. This dog promptly escaped from a maximum security kennel to the Cape Town Southern Suburbs underground.
Today, still wanted by the SPCA it survives as a soldier of fortune and snorfer of biscuits.
If you have a sports betting problem, if no one else can help – and if you can find it – maybe you can hire… My Beagle.

Beagle is only available when not napping.
Applicant must supply own biscuits.
Past performance in no indicator of future success.
Winners know when to stop.
Other terms and conditions may apply.

* a rough translation

Day 382 – Swings etc

But actually mainly roundabouts, sadly. [link]

A busy, tiring day after a sleepless night. Haven’t had the chance to get near a computer until now.
There won’t be much from me here this evening.

Good things: Some electrical work I did that did works really well. And I fixed the Weber.

Yay.

Bad things: An overly demanding painter, a no show from the gardener, and some electrical work I did that didn’t work very well at all and now I have to go and do some more rewiring in the loft.

Ugh.

Goodnight all.

Day 381 – Early morning

I don’t do early mornings whenever I can help it, but with the onset of Autumn and the kids’ return to school, I have at least had the pleasure of some impressive early morning views from our bedroom window.

The smoke from a veldfire… somewhere… made for some nice mustard on the left. The clouds made for some nice contrasty stuff on the right. This was quick and dirty (I had packed lunches to pack and schoolchildren to schoolchild).
But I’m hopeful that there may be opportunities for a few more images over the next couple of weeks and beyond.

And yes, Saturation = 0. Of course.

Day 380 – Phil stuff

Just some thoughts about the last 24 hours. Not drum to bang, no product to sell, just a few things I have noticed and that I’m going to write down now. You can learn a lot about people by watching their public reactions to this sort of news.

I recognise that not everyone likes a royal family, and I recognise that Prince Philip may sometimes have been a divisive figure, but some of the comments on social media – particularly those making it all about the individual posting – are both appalling and superb.

It’s true that this is a bit of a new thing for the BBC. No-one as nationally important (I’m talking about his standing in his traditional and ceremonial role, not what you think his rank in society should be) has died since 1952. Things have moved on since then. A lot.

“Timings not great for this”? Yeah. How irritating of him to die now. I’ll have words. Not to worry though, we’ll be sure to get the next public figure to pop their clogs at a suitable time for you, Cazza. Do you have anything free in October next year, for example? “Unbelievable really” actually does sum it up nicely. But your comment rather than his poorly timed demise.

And then this: There are hundreds of thousands of hours of BBC content on radio, TV and the internet every single year. But literally a couple of hours of news about the Duke of Edinburgh dying and John’s wondering where his money is going, the tight-fisted sod.

Other radio stations and streaming services are readily available, and I’m sure that John knows that, but just quietly switching over doesn’t get him the attention he requires. We need to be told about it. He is quite clearly nuts.

Still, could be nuts-er. Hello, Lisa Beaumont.

Nail on the proverbial. This is exactly what it’s like in North Korea. You moaning on social media (despite the fact that speech is forbidden) from PyongYang just like all North Koreans are always doing. Mark Radcliffe playing Aqualung, Zero 7 and Sigur Ros over the airwaves whilst the much beloved leader of the country oversees mass military demonstrations of thousands of conscripted soldiers all marching in perfect unison. Public executions of dissidents. Half the population starving, the other half in concentration camps. Regular botched nuclear missile tests.

“wElCoMe tO nOrTh KoReA.”

YES, IT’S CLEARLY EXACTLY THE SAME, LISA. WELL SPOTTED. Fkn muppet.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. There are some really amusing memories of Prince Philip as well. He seems to have been a fairly jovial character a lot of the time. See this from Private Eye:

Look, I need to get the braai lit, so I’m going to leave this whole thing with one final thought, which has been the one dominating my mind since I heard this news.

Photo story (it’s not the one you keep reading).

They were married for over 73 years. That’s absolutely incredible. I’m approaching n years old and my Dad was only a toddler when they tied the knot. The Queen has reigned for almost 70 years and he was by her side every single day of that. I fully realise that theirs is not a normal life by any stretch of the imagination, but to lose someone who has been your partner for that long must be impossible to bear.

I think a lot of people – especially those rushing to whine or fling insults around on social media – forget that there’s a human side to this as well. They’d do well to take a step back and think again.