I don’t know why I logged onto Twitter.
I should have known better than to do something silly like that.
Anyway, with one quick look at the “What’s Trending” column…
…I quickly realised the error of my ways, and immediately put things right:
Honestly, could there be a worse trio of individuals to have thrust upon you?
No, thanks. Not today.
Or any other day, for that matter.
Multiple reports of bewildered local citizens are coming in this morning, as Cape Town awoke to a strange yellow ball hovering in the sky.
Some individuals claimed that they had witnessed this phenomenon previously, but when pressed, couldn’t really remember when.
Others, like Kevin van der Tinfoil from Tamboerskloof, are convinced that it represented some sort of alien activity:
It’s like nothing I’ve seen before, so it’s almost certainly aliens trying to communicate with us. What else could make a light so bright?
It’s aliens.
And that brightness was something others noticed, too. Sinethemba Ilanga from Pinelands was admitted to the Cape Town Eye Hospital after staring at the ball for “at least 20 minutes”.
I literally had never seen anything like it before, and now I literally can’t see anything at all.
Denise Argument from Brackenfell was terrified by a “dark reflection” on the ground next to her:
It’s been following me around all day. It’s terrifying. It mocks me by instantly copying all my movements. It could be an evil spirit or a message from God, but my friend Kevin says it’s aliens.
So it’s probably aliens.
The City Council has moved to bring scientists in to investigate just what the mysterious object was, but it had disappeared before they arrived, and is not expected to be seen for at least another month.
Apparently, there’s a chance of some sunshine tomorrow, but for the moment, the rain keeps falling. Almost 350mm in the last 10 days now. It’s pretty miserable. This photo isn’t from today, because I’m here, not there, but I’d guess that it’s a fairly accurate representation of much of the Western Cape at the moment. Especially the bit with that lighthouse on it.
Even the much vaunted Hungarian goose down duvet has failed, and we have required additional coverage for the past couple of nights. Sure, 10 degrees or so won’t seem like a big deal to many readers, but we’re just not set up for that here. And with good reason: it really doesn’t make sense for 90% of the year. So no central heating, double glazing, warm carpets etc etc. And when it gets cold at night outside, it gets cold at night inside too.
Trump shot a bit this morning. Footy final a bit later today.
That line just for context when I read back about how much more important the crappy weather is to me than politics or sport, when I find this post in 5 years time.
This is a true story. Sadly.
An acquaintance has Covid at the moment, and is feeling pretty rubbish (as you would).
The acquaintance still went along to see Peter Kaye’s show at the Arena in Sheffield last night.
Joining 12,499 other people in a big metal box.
Why?
Well, selfishness, obviously.
The acquaintance has excused themselves on the socials by using the phrase “laughter is the best medicine”.
I despair.
Apparently, the show was very good, though. So there’s that.
Everyone is still talking about the penalty. And that’s rather sad, as there was so much more to the game than just that one moment. And I know that I was guilty of this yesterday, so I’m going to add a bit more context.
Also, this is a subjective decision because referees are human.
Sure, everyone still talks about Maradona’s handball in 1986 or Frank Lampard’s “goal” in Bloemfontein in 2010 or Thierry Henry’s handball in 2009 as match-defining moments, but those were objectively incorrect calls (because referees are human).
There’s no dispute on those ones.
This one could have gone either way. It went England’s.
And I still think that was right.
But then, if you look beyond that one moment, was this really an unfair result?
No.
England had:
Greater xG
More big chances
More shots
More shots on target
58% possession
More touches in the opposition box
92% accurate pass rate (!)
11 of the top 15 players on the pitch by OPTA ratings
The Dutch got three corners.
And it’s a pity that this clearly dominant performance has been overlooked in the post-match analysis, when it’s a game that they obviously deserved to win. Sure, “the only stat that matters is goals scored”, but they did that as well, and it’s not hard to see that England were the better team on the night.
So let’s stop talking about the penalty decision now, please.
Onward and upward to Sunday evening.