Another reason that South Africa can’t host the 2010 World Cup

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Forget the Angolans, the sharks and the naughty people with knives.
Have you seen the number of flippin’ terrifying bugs there are out there?

Even in my Cape Town garden (which is actually in Europe), there’s some nasty stuff about:

And I haven’t even mentioned the killer bees and the moths, (which are probably, like, killer moths).

Once the Daily Mail gets hold of this kind of information, FIFA will have no choice but to bow to the mighty pressure Paul Dacre and his band of right-wing underlings will place them under and the tournament will be moved to Australia, which is already home to some nasty racist animals but let’s not make a fuss about that.

Angry People in Local Newspapers

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It’s not something that I have seen here in South Africa, but it’s commonplace in the UK to have the local rag come and investigate some local news issue and bring a photographer who will take a relevant picture for the story. And, more often than not, the protagonist will feature in said photograph – posing with relevant props and a relevant facial expression.

It’s the accepted norm.
And because it is both accepted and norm there really didn’t seem anything odd about it.
Until, that is, Scaryduck (if that is his real name) came forward and pointed out just how odd this practice is on his appropriately-titled website Angry People in Local Newspapers.

I feel sorry for local news photographers. They are hugely skilled and poorly paid, and sent out to photograph miserable people pointing at dog turds. Here, we celebrate their work.

 

Add a witty comment or observation under each story and you’re away.

Scaryduck is the alter ego of Alistair Coleman (if that is his real name), author of  Tales of Mirth and Woe, a book that I haven’t read.
However, if it’s anything like as amusing as his APILN site, it will be well worth a look.

And yes, I did submit this to his site.

Not me

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In answer to the multitude of email that has arrived (1): no, this isn’t me.

I find personalised number plates completely tacky. And I wouldn’t ever drive a Merc again after they dropped their sponsorship deal with 6000 miles… over that incident with the Latvian escort girl, the honey badger and the celery.

So no, this isn’t me, and thus there’s actually no point in throwing stones (or anything else) at this vehicle.

Utter tosh

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But it’s not just the SA papers that write complete rubbish.

Step forward our old favourite the Daily Mail – describing the shark attack at Fishhoek.

Fiddling with his swimming goggles as he strolled across one of Cape Town’s most popular beaches, Lloyd Skinner did not notice anything amiss.
With temperatures in the 90s, the sand was packed with families enjoying the delights of the South African summer.
The sea appeared calm – perfect to escape the heat. But as he waded out, something terrible started to happen. A strange ripple effect circled him in the water. On the beach, people started waving their towels and shouting at him desperately.

Hmm. Let’s see what we’ve got so far shall we?

Temperatures in the 90s…

Sand packed with families…

The sea appeared calm…

Have you pictured the scene yet? And the strolling guy with the fiddly goggles?
Got it? Good.

And then let’s take a quick peek at this photo which eyewitness Gregg Coppen (who is quoted in the Daily Mail article) took 4 (four) minutes after witnessing the attack and tweeting his now infamous “Holy Shit” tweet.

Look at that beach, packed with families in the hot summer sun. And that wonderfully calm sea. Hmm.

I showed this to a colleague. He used the word “gobshite” to describe the writer, Andrew Malone.
And who am I to disagree?

There are probably numerous other inaccuracies in the rest of the article – I don’t know. With so much nonsense in the first five lines, I couldn’t be arsed to read any further.