The battle of Kruger, part two

Oh – apparently that’s been done. Bugger.
Talk about trying to get a freebie spin-off from a popular Youtube video. How dare they?

My own little Battle of Kruger didn’t actually happen in Kruger and wasn’t really much of a battle. There were no lions or buffaloes involved: we don’t get lions and buffaloes in Cape Town because Cape Town is in Europe.

No – instead, we get Rain Spiders and Pomilid Wasps, which for some reason have Capital Letters, and can be just as scary as Felis leo and Syncerus caffer when you see them close up. I described the charming legacy left by the parental wasps for their progeny – whereby they paralyse a spider, drag it to the nest and lay their eggs inside it, Alien-style – here. Well, last night, we watched it all happening.

Well, bits of it, anyway.
The spider had already been paralysed and was lying helpless in the gutter. The wasp was anxious to get the spider up to its nest, but despite being quite large was struggling with the (relatively) immense weight of the spider.

It was quite amazing to watch the effort that the wasp was putting in trying to heave its prey up the wall, but there were obvious weight and balance issues and it would only get so far 6″-8″ and then it would drop off.
Want to see? Want incisive commentary provided by my 18-month old daughter?
Then you need to watch the 23 second long HD video of The Battle of 6000’s Back Garden.

Prepare to be amazed.
(terms and conditions apply)

World Cup Willie

Disambiguation: for World Cup Willie (1966 World Cup Mascot) click here.
Otherwise… read on.

I read today (here, actually) that John Terry, the now disgraced former captain of the England football team, is flying out to Dubai to try and convince his estranged wife, Toni Poole, that their marriage is still worth salvaging.
In case you’ve been under a rock:

Poole, the mother of Terry’s two children, fled to the UAE soon after reports emerged regarding an affair between the Chelsea captain and Vanessa Perroncel, the ex-partner of the 29-year-old’s former club team-mate Wayne Bridge.

The incisive Guardian reporting tells us:

Terry had a serious look on his face as he was escorted to the plane at London’s Heathrow airport shortly after 8.30am, wearing blue jeans and a white hooded top.

I’m not bloody surprised (at the serious look, anyway) (the white hoodie did come as a bit of a shock – I dunno – I thought something in blue, maybe?  A splash of colour. Cheerful. Bright. Make some effort, man.)

Anyway, I hope he’s got flowers and I’m sure he’s got his little speech lined up.
After all, he does “love her to bits”.

How do I know?

Oh – just this little gem I picked out from that exclusive John Terry Interview in the Observer Sport Monthly back in May 2006:

And you’re not married?

No, I’m engaged to my girlfriend Toni Poole, she’s been with me since I was a YTS.

She looks very nice in the photographs.

She is. And she’s good for me. She’s been there from the start. When I was earning £46 a week she was earning £250 a week – she was taking me out to restaurants. It’s nice that she’s there for the right reasons – for me.

And she’s forgiven you your indiscretions?

Indiscretions – you know, I’ve never cheated on her or anything like that. I never would. I can look you in the eye and tell you that. There’s been stories out there that I’ve cheated on her but I certainly haven’t – I love her to bits.

There was an interview in the News of the World where I’d seen a reporter out and I’d apparently admitted it all to Toni. I never admitted anything to Toni because I’ve never done anything. With me saying I’m a loyal person, that goes with my girlfriend as well as with Chelsea.

But you must have been sorely tempted?

Yeah, there’s occasions. I’ve obviously explained to Toni that we get opportunities, we get approached and I’ve probably been in situations that she doesn’t approve of. Maybe. But it certainly wouldn’t be the case where I’d take it any further.

Certainly not, John. After all, you “love her to bits” and you’re “a loyal person”.
You can look me in the eye and tell me that (but you’ll still be lying).

If he’s done it once, he’ll do it again (see Woods, Tiger).
My advice is to dump him, Toni – but only after the World Cup.
While he might have been covering the hole that Wayne Bridge had left at the back (sorry), he’s still a damn fine defender and part of the backbone that will win the World Cup for England a bit later this year. (Albeit that we need a decent coccyx.)

As long as he’s not in a state of abject depression.
So please just lie back and think of England (literally), until July 12th.

Thanks.

Road Closures for State Opening Of Parliament

Following yesterday’s rehearsal for tomorrow’s State Opening of Parliament, the times of the road closures for tomorrow’s State Opening of Parliament have been updated.
Good job they had a practice, then.

Fortunately (as ever), here at 6000 miles… we’re ahead of the curve and we have those updated times available for you right here in handy PDF format.
You don’t need me to tell you to just right click on the link and SAVE TARGET AS:

ParliamentOpeningRoadClosures (PDF, 77kb)

Aside from updating the timing of the road closures, the rehearsal seemed mainly to consist of these guys practicing their formation flying over my house.

They looked to have it pretty much sorted first time around, but just to make sure, they kept it up for another couple of hours until one of them eventually ran out of fuel and dropped out of the sky.

Let’s hope they don’t make the same mistake tomorrow.

DLP 011 EC

On a day when the South African Weather Service warned of a heat wave and the danger of runaway fires, the driver of this Ford Mondeo, registration plate DLP 011 EC – from the self-named “Friendly Province” – decided it was a good day to drop his lit cigarette butt out of the window.

Obviously, I beg to differ.
I’m anti-smoking, anti-littering, anti-Ford Mondeo and – thanks to the actions of this twat – anti-Eastern Cape today as well.

If you’re reading this Mr DLP 011 EC, as you surely will be, then tremble, for I have reported you to the infamous Cape Town Stompie Hotline on 021 424 7715. I gave them your licence plate details, a description of your car (I was almost ill doing this bit) and I told them exactly where the heinous crime was committed.

And they will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy the central reservation on the M5 at the Klipfontein on-ramp.
Or at least, they’ll be in touch with you and you might get a fine of up to R1,000. I wish it were more.

More here on the Stompie Hotline.

Please note, the Stompie Hotline is in no way connected with Stompie Moeketsi or Winnie Madikizela-Mandela; and if you suggest otherwise, then the ANC will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious… oh never mind.

Last rites

It seems that Saturday’s rugby game may have been the final nail in the coffin for Newlands – traditional home of the Western Province Rugby Union. Previously, the Union had steadfastly refused to consider any move from the Newlands ground to the new stadium. However, popular South African rugby website keo.co.za thinks the friendly game at the new Cape Town Stadium may have forced their hand:

It was impossible for the 40 000 people who attended the pre-season game not to draw comparisons between the new stadium and WP’s home ground on the other side of Table Mountain. Quite simply, the one is modern, light and uplifting, while the other is old-fashioned, dark and depressing.

There is no reason for the rugby not to move from Newlands save for tradition. As has been remarked upon in the comments on this post, change is never easy to accept – especially where such a long and proud history exists – but there are very few occasions when clubs move to new grounds and stadiums and management and fans look back and are unhappy with their new home.

Newlands is inevitably going to suffer the same fate as those other rugby relics, and it’s time WP administrators accept this. They need to start preparing for the future, and the future of WP rugby – whether they like it or not – is in Green Point.

The Stadium would also benefit from the move and has already demonstrated that it can comfortably handle a big rugby occasion.
Having the Stormers and Western Province as an anchor tenant would be a huge bonus. The Stormers could fill the stadium for many of their Super14 fixtures and it would inevitably attract other large rugby events such as international matches.
Meanwhile, the Newlands Stadium site would be of huge commercial value as real estate.

All it takes is the courage to make the move.