First Horseman Sighted, Detained.

Breaking News here on your favourite neighbourhood blog: the much-anticipated first official sighting of a Horseman Of The Apocalypse has officially taken place somewhere around the border between Lesotho and the Free State. And while everyone thought they knew exactly which of the quartet was going to have a go at finishing us all off first, it’s a shock victory for Plague over the odds-on favourite, War.

In fact, the bug in question – Bacillus anthracis – is arguably much worse than Yersinia pestis (which causes bubonic plague). This one causes Anthrax: it’s all over landlocked Lesotho like a heavily infected blanket, and now it’s knocking at the door of SA.

The Veterinary Authority of Lesotho has reported three anthrax outbreaks to the World Organisation for Animal Health.

The department of agriculture, forestry and fisheries (DAFF) has banned livestock imports and their products from Lesotho into South Africa, following a report of a susceptible anthrax outbreak.

According to a report, the first outbreak started on May 12, and a total of 24 cattle were reported to have died of anthrax.

The good news for SA is that this first Horseman of the Apocalypse won’t be allowed to enter the country on his noble steed, due to the implementation of those livestock imports. And any of the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse – War, Famine and Conquest – hoping to cross the border into SA to kill us all, would likely also be stopped by these draconian, yet necessary, restrictions.

It’s actually a bit of an own goal for Plague, who has been under constant pressure since Fleming’s discovery of penicillin in 1928 and the vaccine work of Edward Jenner and Jonas Salk, both of which have really limited the options available when it comes to ending the world through disease.
Even though his policy of over-prescription of antibiotics and his recruitment of Andrew Wakefield in the late 90s has had some detrimental effect on the general health of the human race, we’re actually still some way from losing the war with microbes. And this new development of trapping each of his companions on the wrong side of a border point near Maseru is certainly not going to win him any fans amongst those anxious to see all life ending in South Africa – and indeed, the world.

I know. Few would have thought that the planet’s impending doom would have been altogether less impending because of some underpaid Home Affairs officials in the middle of the Free State countryside, but it does seem that, with the scary blokes and their equine companions banged up in Lesotho, the world is safe – at least for the time being.

We’ll be keeping you updated on this story as Donald Trump sends in American helicopters and a Navy Seals extraction team to grab War and Conquest ahead of his planned nuclear obliteration of Iran.

Happy Days.

Leave a Reply