Great news! /s
The Jacob Zuma Foundation – essentially the organisation of his cronies who oversaw the theft of trillions of Rands during his presidential tenure – has announced a “Welcome Home Prayer Day” for their allegedly ailing idol.
Current Covid regulations allow for stupidly large gatherings of 750 indoors and up to 2000 outdoors, but the organisers of this event likely won’t give a flying fuck about those sort of rookie numbers. In fact, they’d love to make a statement of support for JZ while sticking a finger up at Cyril Ramaphosa’s government. It doesn’t look like they are planning to limit the how many people turn up:
“Everyone is welcome. No accreditation is required. People are encouraged to bring their own refreshments.”
said the Foundation’s chief spokesweasel, Mzwanele Manyi.
But if they are not taking precautions around the numbers of people present, are they at least putting some other measures in place to ensure that this won’t turn into a huge superspreader event?
Of course they are. They’ve got the big guy – almost as big as JZ himself – in:
“This occasion will take place in KwaZulu-Natal, eThekwini at the place called the People’s Park where God’s atmosphere will ensure that the coronavirus is blown away and not passed between the attendees.”
What (as I have asked so very often before) could go wrong?
And if this method is so successful, why haven’t we already applied it to other public places, like taxis, supermarkets, restaurants and actual public places?
“Sorry sir, you don’t appear to be wearing a mask as per or store’s regulations.”
“Oh, it’s ok, God’s atmosphere means that I can’t pass anything on.”
“Ah yes. Of course. Sorry to have bothered you. Have a great day.”
Could we maybe see if this might work for Ebola or HIV? Or even just the common cold?
How amazing would that be? Think of the millions of lives it could save.
But no, it seems that it’s just the People’s Park in eThekweni.
And even then just on Thursday.
From 10 o’clock.
Bring your own refreshments.
And when asked if JZ himself would be making an appearance?
“Look, as to whether President Zuma is going to be there on that day. Let’s just pray that he is there, but the situation is still fluid because President Zuma is still on medical parole. His condition is a fluid condition. We hope that on that day the doctors will allow him to be there. So we are hoping for the best.”
Is it too much to hope for that the fluid in question is incurable, chronic, runny diarrhoea? I don’t like to wish such nastiness on people generally, but I feel that this guy is a very deserving case.
Too sick to be in prison for contempt of court, very likely just well enough to turn up and sing and dance on a stage in front of his devotees. Bless those doctors and their amazing work.
And God’s atmosphere. Obviously.