Day 397 – Mystery animal turns out to be croissant

Spotted recently, saved to Pocket, being blogged now. It’s important news from Poland.


And sure, a scary creature hanging around in a tree outside your apartment block window isn’t great. But I have to ask a couple of questions here. They’re mainly raised by the line at the end of that screengrab above.

“Asked to describe the animal, she said that it could be an iguana.”

The first question is “has that ‘desperate’ woman ever seen an iguana?”. And no, I’m not talking about that time she thought she’d spotted a monitor lizard, only for it to turn out to be a baguette. It does seem to me that there is some unnecessary confusion here. And then the second obviously concerns her eyesight generally. Because how can you mistake a croissant for a iguana? Especially when the croissant in question looks… well… like a croissant:

Easy for me to say now, I guess, knowing full well that what we’re looking at here is a croissant in a tree. And in fact, probably fairly straightforward for me to say if I had seen the croissant in the tree in the first place. Because it’s a croissant.

But what would a croissant be doing in a garden in the middle of suburban Kraków? I hear you ask. Well, what the hell would an iguana be doing in the same situation? I’m not saying that a French bread product lodged 20ft up a tree in the deep south of Poland is anything like normal, but you can’t seriously suggest that an iguana chilling out between the branches there would be a reasonable sighting either. And then there’s the additional chink in your reptilian armour: the fact that this doesn’t look anything like an iguana; mainly because it looks like a croissant. Because it is actually a croissant.

“Everyone is scared of it”

Oh, get a grip. It’s a light, delicately sweet French pastry, made from layered yeast-leavened dough. Honestly, the greatest risk you face, should it somehow weirdly make its way into your home, is perhaps a little extra hoovering because of its characteristic flaky texture.
It’s not going to kill you. And it tastes divine with a little jam and when accompanied by a decent coffee. Yet another difference (aside from the obvious appearance thing) between this and a iguana.

Look, it’s dark outside right now, but I will be carefully checking the trees in the neighbourhood for scary creatures and/or Parisian pastry products at first light tomorrow.