Day 121 – Cableway QP

Not much time to blog today, but for all the right reasons. We walked up to the old Sanatorium above Simonstown: 160m ascent in just 700m was quite a test, but on the plus side, there were great views and we didn’t get mugged.

It’s the small things.

This is one of the trestles for the old cableway that ran here in the first half of last century. Quite an amazing sight running right down to the harbour from the top here…

Day 120 – Good stats

Amazing news for Cape Town’s Southern Suburbs – an area of opulence, privilege and Diep River – with the latest Covid-19 stats: now with extra detail.

Cape Town used to be the “epicentre” of the country’s infections. Indeed at one point, it was home to an incredible 10% of the cases on the entire continent. But as things got worse here, they got worser [really? – Ed.] elsewhere else, and we’ve long since fallen behind Johannesburg for new and current infections. Now we’re just another city with thousands of cases.

But it’s the detailed breakdown of the stats that has really made all the difference. And I’m pleased – nay, proud even – to announce that since mask wearing was made compulsory there have been no new cases in the Southern Suburbs of Covid… of the chin.

I spoke to local health spokesperson Dr Mae Dupnayme for her take on this.
Here’s what she had to say.

“The mask regulations were promulgated on the 12th of July, and they’ve really made a difference to the number of people you see out and about with masks. In the Southern Suburbs especially, where white men and women – especially those with K-Way puffer jackets and/or too much botox for their own good – are apparently immune to this novel virus, people walking around wearing masks around their chins and necks has become a very common sight. And I think that’s why we have seen the amount of chin Covid plummet to zero. Interestingly, hand Covid levels are also very low, probably due in the main part to teenage girls wandering around in non-socially-distanced groups each with their mask dangling from their wrist.
The number of respiratory infections? Oh, that’s through the sodding roof. Everyone’s breathing the damn virus out over everyone else and spreading it like syphilis at that place in Bellville.
But I have seen literally no cases of Covid of the chin for a week now. It’s amazing.”

But is Covid of the chin a real thing?
Dr Dupnayme explains:

“Technically, probably not. We’ve never actually seen a case of Covid of the chin, but there are two important parts to this: firstly, we’d never actually seen a case of Covid of the anything before a few months ago, and secondly, the fact that we’ve seen zero cases means that actually, it has not increased from previous levels, which were obviously also zero, and when we’re referring to anything to do with Covid right now, the words “not increased” are like bloody gold dust, and look really good in our report. Really good.
And so I’d like to thank all those who ignored the grammatically disastrous DO NOT BRING DOWN YOUR MASK TO THE CHIN thing with the weird bloke and his horribly infected neck – covered in “bacteria or virus or germs” – that’s been doing the rounds on Facebook.
Actually, in putting their masks over their chins and not over their noses and mouths, they’ve effectively prevented any cases of Covid of the chin: a disease that never existed and has never killed anyone. Well done.
A sad side-effect of this behaviour is that they’re breathing out coronavirus from your exposed nose and mouth and that could kill someone, of course, but they won’t need to stress about that. It’s not them, is it?
But the no chin Covid thing is great news for anyone worried about getting Covid on their chin. That’s the message we need to be taking from these numbers. Zero Covid of the chin.”

An incredible tale indeed.

So, from the Ground Zero of South African coronavirus infections to some of the lowest rates of Covid of the chin in the whole world. It really is a huge success story for the Mother City and especially the posh suburbs in the south.

 

And Diep River.

 

Day 119 – Dead bread

A day tremendously full of dull tasks, followed by a quick stroll in the Green Belt and a (quite literal) point and shoot job for the ‘Gram.

Step into the light, Carol Ann.

That was nice, but I have sad news: Mama, the Bread Maker, is no more. Her motor breathed its last today and I’m going to have to make all my bread by hand now. Mama served us well for many years, providing many fresh loaves and plenty (or more) portions of pizza dough, without any complaint.

She now literally has nothing to prove anymore. She will be missed.

I have taken the last bread mix from her baking tin and attempted to continue her legacy to go with our homemade soup this evening. This could be the start of a new era.

Or an absolute disaster. Let’s see.

Day 118 – Really?

In a country where everything – everything – gets touched by the thieving hands of Government corruption, it’s good to know that someone is finally standing up and fighting corruption. That someone is… [checks notes] er… [checks notes again] er… apparently, it’s… The Government.

This image, appended to the bottom of this tweet:

Government remains committed to building an ethical State in which there is no place for corruption, patronage, rent-seeking and plundering of public money. Report any suspected corrupt activities. #AntiCorruption #FightingCorruption Read more: gov.za/anticorruption

reminded me of [an analogy I decided not to use*] or the Pope encouraging people to come forward and root out Catholicism.

It’s literally everywhere (corruption, not Catholicism) (although…) from the President’s office down.

 

They say a fish rots from the head, but there’s smelly sludge all over the gills, fins and tail in this case. (Can you tell that I never did more than basic fish biology during my studies?)

R4.8 million for someone to go door to door and tell people about Covid-19 – R2640 per person. A cool ten and a half grand if there’s a family of four at home when you call.

There’s R29.7 million “missing” in KZN.

The R500 billion coronavirus fund was obviously just too good an opportunity to miss:

So:

And I should probably just not mention the Eastern Cape Scooter Fiasco*.

These examples were not hard to find, at all. And one could argue that at least someone is documenting, recording and reporting them. But mostly, nothing ever happens about these cases, and even on the odd occasion when it does, the perpetrators are re-employed by their equally corrupt colleagues (and/or political party) soon afterwards anyway.

So where is the punishment?

So what is the point?

But then for the government – arguably the most guilty entity for both the enabling of and looting of public money – to tell us that “Fighting corruption is everyone’s business”?

I’ve honestly never heard such utterly hypocritical bullshit.

 

 

* 100 words in was just too soon to invoke Godwin’s Law. 
** I actually saw The Eastern Cape Scooter Fiasco on the Friday at Reading in 2007. Great drummer. Energetic performance. 

Day 117, part 2 – Traffic solution

Here’s a thing I spotted on Twitter today (I have lost where from though).

I’m not claiming that it’s the be-all and end-all of the traffic problems that major cities around the world face, but it might go some way to sorting them out.

I don’t have the figures in front of me (or anywhere else either, actually), but I would imagine that bought shit does mean more trucks on our roads. Therefore, stopping buying shit should also mean fewer trucks.

It all makes sense. So there you have it, if you don’t like trucks, simply stop buying shit.

Problem solved.