Day 204 – Surrounded

It’s been a proper summer’s day in Cape Town.
Hot. Sunny. Blue, cloudless skies as far as the eye can see.
Hot. And sunny.

We made the most of it: I enjoyed a drink in the shade with Mrs 6000 before she headed off on her weekend away with the girls. And then we braaied some excellent and simple burgers, adding just enough of my delicious homemade coriander mayo. It truly is the King of Herbs. Don’t even dream about @ing me.

Perhaps because we were still outside as twilight fell, we heard the roosting of several birds around us. Doves (not that one) in the trees in the back garden; a Hadeda Ibis on the house behind; a pair of Egyptian geese on the chimney across the road.

Those last two species are not birds you want to be roosting anywhere near your house with a potential lie-in opportunity approaching (which is clearly what tomorrow morning is – both a lie-in opportunity and approaching). These are obnoxiously loud, early birds.

I’m going to have to get the drone up and do some close passes for the good of the neighbourhood. And sure, it only moves the problem of the obnoxiously loud, early birds elsewhere, but equally – and importantly – it moves the problem of the obnoxiously loud, early birds elsewhere.

Time to do some community service.
See you tomorrow (not too early).

Day 203 – First On Scene…

…At The Kamikaze Dove Incident.

To be fair, when I responded to the message on the neighbourhood Whatsapp group, I genuinely thought that I was heading towards a break-in. That’s what the message said was happening, and so that’s what I thought was happening. The message was from the house owner, and he was on his way home right now. How did he know that there was a break-in happening? I had no idea: but we can sort those details out later.

I got to the house in question pretty quickly, even though I was wearing flops and no-one is at their most speedy when they’re wearing flops. The 200m world record remains intact.

When I got there, there was no sign of a break-in – be it either ongoing or ongone [Is this actually a word – Ed.] and so I made sure that the local security company were on their way and was actually amazed when they arrived with three police vans right behind them.

I didn’t know we had three police vans in our area.

The police were straight over the gate, making a mockery of the razor wire and spikes that people think makes their property impenetrable (especially if you’re wearing flops), and headed into probable danger, their guns not drawn.

Except it wasn’t dangerous at all.

Long story short, a dove (probably a Red-Eyed dove) had hurtled through a glass window in the house (and here I quote the owner of the property upon his return) “and busted himself to smithereens”. The dogs went mad (dogs will do this when a dove comes into the house through a window – be it open or closed) and the domestic who was home alone (well, apart from the dogs and now a shredded dove) heard the smashing window and the barking dogs and panicked.
This was a completely reasonable reaction: this is South Africa, after all.

Everyone was fine. Apart from the dove, which was busted to smithereens.

We’ve all had birds hit our windows before, but generally, they bounce off. I think it’s likely that this particular dove was being chased by our local black sparrowhawk. We have had a couple of explody dove incidents over the last few years which we have caught on our CCTV cameras (on one occasion, the dove exploded when it actually hit one of the cameras) and both of those were sparrowhawk assisted. It’s amazing the speed that a dove can achieve when it’s being closely followed by a kilo of raptor. It’s just sad that they can’t manage their steering at the same time.

And so all’s well that ends well: a false alarm, yes, but no break-in, a decent neighbourhood response and a bit more business for the local glazier. And some dove pie for dinner.

Day 201, part 2 – Book Bok

Thanks to my mystery subscriber (or just through sheer good fortune?), I have once again begun receiving pleading emails from Afrikaans “entertainer”, Bok van Blerk (see also here and here).

Today’s missive tells me that “Bookings are now open again”. Presumably, there has been some issue whereby bookings weren’t open and somehow, the situation has improved or been reconciled such that bookings are now open once again.

Great news: let’s get to it!┬áBecause even Bok himself looks mildly confused as to why you haven’t booked him yet.

(I actually have a long list of reasons, but let’s save those for another time.)

“Special rates for performances under newest Covid regulations,” it crows, conveniently omitting detailed information as to whether they are special cheaper rates because he needs to sell shows, or special vastly increased rates to make up for the recent dearth of opportunities.

Contact us now!

Indeed, you’d better be quick. Business must be good if they have the time to email random, English, Cape Town bloggers who have unsubscribed from his mailing list 74 times.
That sort of action certainly certainly doesn’t smack of any sort of hopeless desperation.

Right. I’m off to unsubscribe yet again.
Wish me luck.