The (nerdy) sporting weekend

It’s amazing what can pique your interest, hey?

This weekend, I’ve enjoyed watching some really great sport. The football on Friday was great, but it was Sheffield United, so of course I would be interested, and they won, so of course it would be great.
But it was other events this weekend that made me remember that it takes something extra special to get you invested when you’ve got no skin in the game. And those sort of things are fairly rare.

Sure, there are artificial ways of generating interest, like a small bet on the outcome (thank you, Aston Villa) or a fantasy football match-up (curse you, Aston Villa), but when you are just watching because you enjoy the sport, and you’re not rooting for one side or the other, well, it needs to be wow! to generate that same sort of interest.

That’s happened twice for me this weekend.

This morning’s game in the Australian NRL Finals was a superb watch, with both sides giving it absolutely everything for the whole 80 minutes, and Manly winning only after a – literally – last second field goal attempt missed by a couple of metres. 50,714 in the stands, 26 on the pitch, probably hundreds of thousands in front of their TVs across Australia and the world holding their breath as Matt Burton launched the ball into the Sydney night air. I was in the gym and I had to stop cycling to give my full attention to that last play of the match. Because concentrating and pedaling is hard.
And then the instant juxtaposition of relief, jubilation, heartbreak and despair as my legs realised that they had to start exercising again the rugby result was set in stone.

But even that had nothing on the Geoguessr World Cup final. And I know that I keep banging on about this, but just so you know, I could have been doing something much, much, nerdier this weekend…

…and maybe I did.

But that’s for another blog post.

Because that final. Best of 5 games – or first to 3 if that’s your preference – and wow, did it deliver.

As a very basic introduction, players each start on 6000 points (I know, right?), and lose points the closer their opponent is to the correct location, and the further they are away. Ten 1 minute rounds per game.
When you run out of points, you lose the game.

I’ve just enjoyed watching stuff. I don’t mind who wins. I’m not invested. Yet.

The favourite, a French guy called Blinky, is already up 2-0 and cruising to a crushing victory, and comes within a whisker of wiping his opponent, America’s MK, out and winning the World Cup. Based on the fact they could have been dropped anywhere in the world (but ended up in Latvia), if Blinky had been just 5km closer to the actual spot or MK just 5km further away, it was all over.

Here’s the twenty minutes of madness that followed.

The score is 4035-46. No typos here. No missed digits. One guy is basically two games up and four thousand points clear. The other is on forty-six points. It’s nothing. It’s impossible to turn this around with just two rounds of the third game to go.

But obviously, he does. It’s an amazing comeback. But it’s still only 2-1.

And in the eighth round of the fourth game, Blinky has MK down to 66 points again. The event is being staged at the City Hall in Stockholm and there’s a crowd of a few hundred watching it live. And as they hit the tenth round, it was like that field goal attempt (which hadn’t happened yet, but still). Held breath. Wide eyes. And then just sheer incredulity as MK drags in back to 2-2 with a guess just 12km off in the middle of rural Mexico. Literally a horse in a river.

How?!?

This is now running almost an hour overtime, but nobody is going anywhere.

Final round. The decider. NMPZ. Just a single image of a place anywhere in the world.
No moving. No panning. No zooming. WYSIWYG. Where G is guess.

Round one. It’s rural. Literally nothing to go on. And yet they both immediately plump for Mexico: about 50km apart from one another.

But it’s Ghana. Everyone is confused. They players look at each other and both laugh. Even the best in the world get it horrifically wrong sometimes. And when that happens, they usually both get it horrifically wrong the same way.

The tension is broken for a moment.

Heads are shaken. They reset. We go again.

Round two. There’s a guy burning some leaves in a wooded area. That’s all you’ve got. Both players go for Thailand. It is Thailand. Of course it’s Thailand. You don’t get two Ghana anomalies in one game.

Round three. It’s a slightly overgrown path in the field. It’s Peru. Blinky is closer.

Round four. It’s a brown dirt road. Nothing more. They both go for Argentina within 4 seconds. They’re each about 50kms out.

I’ve completely given up on Bournemouth v Chelsea now.

Round five: It’s a road and a mountain in Turkey. Obviously, they both go Turkey. It takes them 7 seconds.
Mind blowing.

Round six: It’s a grey road and some trees. It’s in Russia, but Russia is big. They’re both a long way off.

Round seven and Blinky is holding a decent lead thanks to that Peru guess, but we’ve seen this all before in the last 20 minutes.
Another road. Some green grass. Both hit central Bulgaria inside 10 seconds. It is central Bulgaria.

Round eight, It’s north east USA. MK’s home turf. They’re both there in about 10 seconds again. Nothing to choose between their guesses. And we’ve got a maximum of two rounds left.

Nkunku scores and I hardly notice.

Round nine: As the crowd sees it, there are gasps. Because it’s a town, and there are French flags everywhere. Does Blinky recognise the place? He zones straight in on Colmar in Eastern France… MK goes further north, closer to Belgium. Aaaand…

It’s Germany (despite the flags) but it’s only just over the border. It’s enough. Blinky wins.

I am emotionally exhausted. God knows how they feel.

270,000 viewers online. That’s four times the figures for last year’s World Cup.

Maybe there will be a million in 2025*. Maybe I’ll be there in the finals**.

I almost feel sorry for Spurs and Arsenal today.
Because they are surely never going to get to that sort of drama.

Are they?


* very possible.
** not possible.

Worst lines

The winners of the 2024 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Awards have just been announced, and many of them (and the (dis)honourable mentions and runners-up) are pretty good.

Founded in 1982 at San Jose State University in California, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels. 

As someone once said: “Deliberately bad writing requires a special talent.”

It’s true. But interestingly, I have no special talent at all.
All the stuff on this blog is entirely accidental. Just variable fortune and the occasional evening filled with Castle Milk Stout with which to distractedly guide my typing fingers.

Anyway, back to the BLFA, and, as you might expect for the highest (only?) awards for this particular genre, they’re bad.

You’ll need to have your brain fired up and be in the right mood (receptive and ready to work through some mental calculations) to enjoy the lot of them before you click that link, so I recommend taking it a bit at a time.

They’re not going anywhere.

And I could list them all here, but I’m not going to. Still, here are a couple of favourites to get you in the mood.

Cthulhu awoke from loathsome dreams of gangrenous decay and the foul stench of congealing viscera, lifting his pulpy, misshapen head to find what foolish supplicant had roused him to yet another age of fear and creeping dread, but found his bloodthirst unslaked, having been brought to consciousness not by horror-filled screams of human sacrifice but by his little sister’s overly dramatic wail of “Cthulhu’s touching me!” from her side of the family station wagon’s back seat.

If broken hearts were made of simple syrup, and shattered dreams were made from white rum, and agony and despair came from ¾ ounce of lime juice, freshly squeezed, and three mint leaves respectively, then Mary Lou just served up a mojito cocktail straight from the ninth circle of hell when she told Ricky the baby wasn’t his.

And these weren’t even their best in class. So click through and enjoy.

Two videos

Opposite ends of the planet, but both mildly relevant to me.

First off, Sheffield United boss Chris Wilder. All of United’s press conferences used to be recorded, edited and shared. But this season – for the first time ever – they’re live streamed.

See if you can notice when Wilder realises this in the video below.

Press conference errors aside though, it’s so good to see this guy smiling again after last seasons travails.

And then, this:

The weather in Cape Town continues to be pretty bloody awful, and – had it been a bit better – I was going down to the glamourous Access Park today to explore their sports shoe shops. Thankfully, because it was so nasty out, I didn’t. (But then, I suppose, if it had been a bit better, then the big thing wouldn’t have fallen down.)

As anyone familiar with this delightful place will surely attest, it’s all rather shabby. But you would have thought that they could have used some decent metalwork in the big sign at the gate, at least.

On the plus side, after this nastiness is done with (feels like -4, WTF?!?):

Check out the rest of the week:

21o isn’t going to break any records, but I’m loving those big yellow balls. (Careful now.)

And we might (for the first time in a long while) have a Spring-like Spring Day.

Who knew? (Whale spotting edition)

Big news from EWN this week:

Yep. Same as every year:

Southern Right Whales have come to visit Cape Town shores to give birth or to find a mate – this is done every year between June and December. 

But while these are indeed magnificent creatures to see, and while they are here each and every year, some locals might not know where to look. It’s ok. EWN has got you covered, with a list of places that you can spot a whale “in Cape Town”. They’ve listed 22 different places that you can see whales.

From Doringbaai up the West Cooat (marked in red, top left) through to Nature’s Valley on the Garden Route (blue, bottom right).

Eagle-eyed readers (who will also be best at spotting whales) might notice that that’s basically the entire coastline of the Western Cape. And anyone clicking through on that link above will see that, yes, all of the 22 locations on the list are located on the coast.

So it seems to me that if you want to see whales… you probably just need to go anywhere in the Western Cape and look out to sea.

Who knew?

It’s actually rather unhelpful that they don’t also mention that you should probably do it during the day to increase your spotting success rate. Or to use binoculars to make the whales look closer.

Suddenly: Lions

Look, we live in South Africa, and while at least some of the rest of the world [waves to the USA] think that wild animals roam the streets, it’s not quite like that. Well, not every day, at least.
Outside the cities, you certainly might come across ostriches on your drive, and if you’re near certain bodies of water at night, there’s always the chance of a notoriously unreflective hippo.

More likely is that you’ll hit one of the big buck though: and that Kudu a lot of damage to your car: a bull can weigh 300kg.

Sadly, it rarely ends well for the Kudu, either. But thankfully, these events are fairly uncommon in the greater scheme of things.

Even less common are encounters with lions.

Well, that is until recently. Because suddenly, there seems to be a lot of lion in the mainstream media.

Please note that if you’re reading this out loud for the benefit of someone else, you’ll need to clarify that I mean the big cat, not a lack of truthfulness. That wouldn’t be unusual at all.

Here are three very recent examples. Happily all up North, a long way from here.

There was a lion… ahem… lyin’… on the M18 between Pretoria and Centurion last night:

The original image was posted on X, and as the Citizen says:

A reverse image search on Google revealed similar photos of lions spotted in the Kruger National Park.

Well, yes. Similar, because that’s what lions look like, but actually not the same.
So was this claim genuine? No-one seems completely sure.
The truth is out there. And maybe there’s a lion as well.

More concrete evidence was provided by Skukuza Golf Course:

Guests at the Skukuza Golf Club, famously dubbed South Africa’s wildest golf course, recently witnessed an extraordinary scene when a group of predators converged on the final green to share an impala kill.
In a rare sighting that perfectly illustrates the untamed nature of the course, two lions, a crocodile, and a pack of hyenas took turns feasting on the kill just metres from the clubhouse.

And the video, although portrait and a bit blurry, is incredible:

The “You must have signed the indemnity form to pass this point” sign in the foreground is particularly amusing, given the range of dangerous carnivores tearing apart the unfortunate impala.

These magnificent beasts are supposedly apex predators, but they are no match for a Toyota Land Cruiser. This incident occurred in Kruger National Park, which you can drive through in your own vehicle (I recently found out that this is bewildering to foreigners). And you can get really, really close to the really wild animals. But when there is a good sighting, word spreads fast and it can get a bit busy.

Patience is key. Don’t be like this guy. Don’t get this close.

No damage done here apart from to the driver’s bank balance once the Rangers got a look at this video.

KNP spokesperson, Ike Phaahla, confirmed that the driver was fined.
“We dealt with him by tracing the number plate.”

Good plan. I would have started by looking for traces of lion fur on the front corner of every white Toyota in South Africa. But your way is probably better. I guess that’s why they pay you the big bucks.

“All we know is that he was trying to make a way at the sighting when he bumped the animal,” Phaahla explained. He added that while he was unsure of the amount the driver was fined, the maximum fine is R1,500.

A slap on the wrist for a bump up the arse.

We naturally crow about our amazing wildlife in SA, but I have no clue why there has been a sudden plethora of lion stories in the local press.
Still, it’s good that we take pride in sharing the stories about these big cats when we encounter them.