Category: that’s a bit mad

The TMOMS T-shirt

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Every so often, I get a plea for advertising assistance that I am willing to assist with.
Look, I do turn down most of the dodgy ones: selling tickets to Jonah Fisher’s self esteem workshop: Don’t Just Walk Out, for example. Or anything to do with homeopathy, the Builders Warehouse panga sale or celebrity Afrikaans voices for your GPS etc.
OK, I might have done that last one. Ahem.

Then came a similar plea from a footballing buddy of mine. He has lived through many different challenges incuding chronic left-footedness and horrendous facial disfigurement, and now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity: he gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes.

Anyway, he’s really hit the nail on the head with this little offering:
Yours for a teeny-weeny R80: The unofficial TMOMS T-shirt:

Shown here in red, very-quick-cellphone-pic option.
Please note: genuine article may be less pixelated.

Yes, you now have the opportunity to have Chris Maroleng’s infamous request emblazened across your ample chest. Many different shapes, sizes and colours are available. To get yours, simply email lawrence@polka.co.za with your preferred size and he’ll get back to you with the relevant colour options: red, black or bastard white. Mention 6000 miles… and you probably won’t get a discount, but I might get a Peroni next time I see him.

Everyone’s a winner wena.

Pick n Pay are redefining imperial measurements

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South Africa uses the metric system of measurement. There are two main reasons for this – firstly, to confuse British people, and secondly to make the village of Port Elizabeth seem just a little bit further away from Cape Town. Safety in numbers and all that.
But there are disadvantages as well: after all, who wants to read a blog called 9656.064 kilometres from civilisation…?
Catchy, it ain’t.

But is size really that important? Popular local supermarket, Pick n Pay, have decided to exploit the fact that no-one in SA knows about feet and inches by introducing their own new version of a footlong roll.

Footlong

One foot is 30.48cm in anyone else’s language, but Pick n Pay have reduced that by at least six and bit centimetres for their awesome 0.764435696 of a footlong rolls. However, given that the new nomenclature is about as catchy as that kilometre blog thing I mentioned earlier, I can see why they left it as “footlong”, even though it blatantly isn’t.

I’m guessing that it was a man that had that idea. I wonder if they do that with their sausages too?
(PicknPay, I mean. I know that men do.)

Race War Postponed

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The Daily Maverick’s Phillip de Wet has been following events up in Ventersdorp as the funeral of the controversial AWB leader Eugene Terre’Blanche takes place.

The obvious intensity and gravity of the inflammatory situation there was summed up by his recent tweet:

While this may all be very amusing, since there has (touch wood) been no sign of any violence as yet, it is concerning that as the Highveld moves into winter and the dry season, these excuses for postponement may become fewer and further between.  

Or was this a poke at the sensationalist media which is camped out in the NorthWest, desperate for some action to sell some newspapers at whatever cost to the reputation of the country?

Please note that tickets for the Race War will still be valid when it is rescheduled. In the event that ticketholders cannot attend the revised date, a full refund will be offered by the outlet at which you purchased your ticket(s).

Next year…

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Damn. Don’t you hate it when good ideas come along just too late?

This one came to my attention about 7 weeks too late for Valentine’s Day this year, but I can only imagine how overwhelmed Mrs 6000 will be to find that I have arranged her funeral for her as a romantic gift next February.

Valentine's gift idea

The brilliant bit about this gift is that once you’ve sorted it all out for the wonderful woman in your life, you will never have to get her another Valentine’s Day gift again – because you definitely won’t be together anymore.

Touch me on my studio

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Much mirth and merriment in South Africa today as footage of André Visagie, Secretary General of the AWB, storming off the set of etv news does the rounds.

Alternative video source (starts at 0:31)

These sort of funny things are always happening on SA TV. Who could forget the unfortunate “Chairman” Nhlanhla Nene incident, for example? But while Mnr Visagie is (sadly) very much a South African entity, live broadcast bloopers can happen to anyone. Even the great Nicky Campbell. Twice.

It’s another embarrassing nail in the coffin of the AWB. Not only are their views disgustingly racist and outdated, their members are a laughing stock. And, as you’ll see, their bodyguards are nervously smiling weedy teenagers. Ooh. Scary.

There’s a meme going around the SA internet at the moment: “Don’t touch me on my studio”, but having reviewed this footage time and time again, it seems to me that the presenter, Chris Maroleng, is actually continually inviting Visagie to touch him on his studio. Thus, thanks to the grainy coverage, only two questions remain: where exactly is the Chris Maroleng’s studio? And why does he want André to touch him on it on live TV?

Kinky bugger.

UPDATE: And already: The Song.