Brahms did not torture and murder cats for sport

Logging on to teh interwebs for the first time in a few days brought some laughs on an otherwise cold and grey Monday morning, the best of them being this line:

Brahms did not torture and murder cats for sport. Wagner, who had musical differences with Brahms, and who was an utter shit, made the story up.

From here, which links to here and the all important evidence for the quote above, here, stating:

Author’s research reveals calumny that for 100 years defamed German composer was the malicious gossip of ‘notoriously bitchy’ Wagner.

If there had been a Hello or an OK magazine back in the mid-19th century, one can only imagine that these allegations of cat torture and notorious bitchiness would have been regular front page news.

Amazing. I’ve certainly learnt some stuff this morning already.

Curb fall injuries

Incoming from several sources (so it must be true!):

Transcript for those with poor eyesight or on mobile devices (or those on mobile devices with poor eyesight):

Assailant suffers injuries from fall

Orville Smith, a store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, Ga., told police he observed a male customer, later identified as Tyrone Jackson of Augusta, on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket. When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.
Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. Smith said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one the Marines, Cpl. Phillip Duggan, in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.
After Police and an ambulance arrived at the scene Cpl. Duggan was transported for treatment.
“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw… injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell of off the curb after stabbing the Marine,” according to the police report.

Using Google Streetview on Augusta didn’t reveal any particularly high kerbs: I guess he must just have landed awkwardly.

Poor chap.

Death & Taxes

An oldie but a goodie.
A reply allegedly sent from the Inland Revenue (the UK tax people) to a presumably disgruntled Chris Addison and reproduced in full in his column in the Guardian.

The joy for me in this is imagining the original letter which is being replied to. It’s brilliantly written, whether it’s genuine or not.

Dear Mr Addison,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.
Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a “begging letter”. It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a “tax demand”. This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the “endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat” has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from “pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers” might indicate that your decision to “file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies” is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a “lackwit bumpkin” or, come to that, a “sodding charity”. More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay  “go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services”, a moment’s rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to “stump up for the whole damned party”  yourself.  The estimates you provide for the Chancellor’s disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful,  are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on “junkets for Bunterish lickspittles”  and  “dancing whores” whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to,  for example, “that box-ticking facade of a university system.”

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don’t simply write  “Muggins” on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that “sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give” has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn’t render it irrelevant,  the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime,  whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to “give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India” you would still owe us the money.
Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,

H J Lee
Customer Relations
Inland Revenue

Now – I’m off to email SARS.

Tower view

One here for Mr Brian Micklethwait of BrianMicklethwaitDotCom fame who is a big fan of the Strata Tower – or at least a big fan of taking photographs of it (see here, here, here and more recently here).
But despite his best efforts, not even Brian has got a pic from this angle (AFAIK, anyway):

Bigger here.

Borrowed (without permission, nogal) from these guys (who do plenty of stuff without permission too, it seems) and who have some spectacular examples of long exposure photography of London (and elsewhere) along with some amazing tales of derring do (and in some cases, some of derring don’t).

I must say, I’ve never really though of trespass as a hobby before and I can’t bring myself to agree with it. I can, however, appreciate some of the fantastic photographic results and the images of otherwise secret history that their naughtiness generates.

On a personal note, I was much touched by this pic, from this post, which reminded me of this place, which used to be here.