A bit weird

This is mildly creepy.

Step forward the new Dialdirect TVC: “The Notebook”, filmed in Kalk Bay (at least some of it) and currently airing on SA TV right now. Have a look. And curse those darn onions that someone is cutting nearby and which are making your eyes water. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Lovely. I’m almost ready to buy some insurance. Almost.

But now, look at this:
We have an ironing board, and a kitchen. We live in a house. We have a blonde-haired son. And we also have a beagle which bays at the vacuum cleaner. Big wow.

But here’s the odd bit: in the ad, their beagle is called “Mr Tiger”.

Our beagle is called Colin Tigger.

And our blonde-haired son was also recently in a school play. Now, based on the fact that in the ad, little Noah played the role of a tree in his school play, and being aware that there must be literally tens and tens of thousands of different roles available in school plays, guess what our boy was…?

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Yep. And by all accounts, they were both absolutely brilliant: a triumph, dahlink!

Anyway, I liked the ad, and I thought the striking similarities were strikingly similar.

That lovely music, by the way, is the acoustic version of Woodkid’s I Love You. You’ll be wanting the youtube link, won’t you? Yeah, we’ve got that sorted for you, obvs: click here.

Religious nutjobs steal God

Incoming from our Northern Irish News With Tenuous Links To The Isle Of Man Department – someone has disappeared off with a 6ft statue of Celtic sea god Manannan Mac Lir which overlooks… er… overlooked Lough Foyle in Derry:

Installed in 2013, the life-size statue is made from fibreglass and stainless steel and had become a popular tourist attraction.

Local police issued a not-entirely-serious missing persons report, asking people to watch out for ‘a well-known six foot tall striking local male with an athletic build’.

Here’s what they’re looking for:

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But why would someone steal this statue?

The thieves left a wooden cross on the site bearing the words: ‘You shall have no other gods before me’, fuelling speculation that the unusual crime was motivated by religion.

Well, now suddenly you can see why this might have happened. Those words “You shall have no other gods before me” can be found in the Bible as Exodus 20:3 and form one of the Ten Commandments – the instant go-to guide for good Christian behaviour.

Celtic sea gods don’t feature highly in the Bible, and therefore are a definite no-no as far as sculptures in Christian territories go. And heaven knows (can I say that?) that we don’t want to upset anyone along religious grounds.

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So all perfectly reasonable then, until you read a little further through Exodus…

“But… but… we’d only got to verse 3!”
“Shut up and get on with your self-flagellation!”

…because coming in at number 7 (or number 8 if you’re a Catholic – but who’s counting anyway?) is that old chestnut:

Thou shalt not steal

Oops. Hashtag awkward.

Presumably, when the police do come knocking on their door, the thieving bastards will come clean and admit what they’ve done, although the bit about ‘not bearing false witness’ comes even further down the list than the ‘don’t nick stuff’ idea.

Because Northern Ireland falls under the UK justice system, if convicted, it’s unlikely that the vandals will be able to claim religious grounds in mitigation of sentence.

That said, if you really believe that you have to steal a 2 metre high, topless fibreglass statue of a mythical bloke because of some words in a book, then there’s always the Criminal Law (Insanity) Act of 2006 to fall back on.

Offence and Outrage

It has become de rigueur nowadays to take offence and be outraged at anything and everything. Some of the minuscule things that prompt outrage these days are such that I swear there are some people that go out of their way to seek out reasons to be offended and stuff to be outraged by. I’ve mentioned the transient, ridiculously subjective and thoughtless nature of modern day outrage in posts previously, but, as ever, a picture is worth a thousand words, and this cartoon took my fancy (and I’m going to be outraged unless it gives my fancy back):

outrageTo be fair, while this demonstrates the selfish, subjective and hypocritical character of offence, many would not have got that far, already having been up in arms at the use of the term “Green Idiot” (although if you’d seen that party’s election manifesto in the UK, you’d probably agree wholeheartedly). Then, of course, “Moron” is discriminatory against… er… morons, and defining someone by their colour (whatever that may be) is obviously right out, isn’t it?

In sharing this cartoon (ironically, sometimes a fairly dangerous thing to do, because “offence”) and documenting my thoughts on this subject, I’m not expecting anything to change.

Not for the better, anyway.

Beagle video

The beagle helped itself to an oven glove yesterday, several (or more) pieces of which I found in the garden some time later. This might not seem like a big thing, given that the shorter list of beagle-devoured things to write has now flipped from “Stuff It Has Eaten” to “Stuff It Hasn’t Eaten”, but a watershed was crossed last night. That’s because the oven glove in question was left somewhere previously designated as a “Safe Zone”. We have Safe Zones all over the house, where we can leave shoes, books, bag or anything else the beagle might want to eat. Which is basically everything.
The kitchen surface was one of these Safe Zones, but no longer.

All of which brings me to the beagle video in the title. This is a video which I first saw some months ago, but obviously never showed the beagle, because the beagle is cunning and wily and would have learned from it.

I’m not suggesting that this is the methodology employed by the beagle yesterday evening, but given that it doesn’t possess opposable thumbs and isn’t really built for climbing or jumping, I’m not sure how else it could have got up there. The only other option, as far as I can see, is that our family pet possesses telekinetic powers. This might seem somewhat implausible, but it can shift a huge amount of grass and soil from my lawn in an extraordinarily short amount of time and has done this on a number of different occasions.

Short of installing a camera like the guy above did (and which would probably get eaten anyway), I’m not quite sure how we’ll ever know we have a supernatural beagle. But in the meantime, we’re running out of beagle-free areas within the house.

Or maybe the beagle is just gradually limiting the number of human areas in its kennel?

Loadshedding reaction

And so, as widely predicted, loadshedding started again in South Africa yesterday. It’s the first time it’s happened this year, but it certainly won’t be the last. In fact, we’ve been told to expect it for the next 3 (three) years. Next week, our chronic problem will be acutely exacerbated by Koeberg’s No.1 Reactor being switched off for routine maintenance, and, if the reaction to yesterday’s events are anything to go by, we’re simply not going to survive.

Liverpool has long been chastised for its “victim mentality”. It is the Mario “Why Always Me?” Balotelli of cities, which is what made his move there last year so deliciously ironic. But a quick look at social media yesterday indicated that as a country, we’re pretty close to besting their “pity me” efforts. Here’s a quick selection of stuff I saw.

There was anger:

Complaining will usually make a difference if, say, you have had some bad service in a restaurant. Right with you there, Frana. But if you actually believe that complaining about loadshedding (even to these mysterious “right people”) will make the slightest jot of difference, you’re sadly wrong. While the restaurant manager can have a quiet word with your errant waiter, there’s no quick fix to [many] years of under-investment and the alleged lack of foresight by those in power (pun intended).  

Thanks Thabo. The microbiologist within me (I will let him out one day) has insisted that I pick you up on that first sentence though. Unless you are some crazy conspiracy theorist (and maybe you are), you should know that not every virus is made by man. Very, very few viruses are actually made by man. And loadshedding are not one of them.

And then there was the Sea Point Incident (#SPI), whereby the electricity tripped due to a power surge just as it was being restored following their allocated loadshedding period.
Jeez. You would think that the world. Had. Ended.

Obviously, the #SPI was a result of Eskom and City of Cape Town joining forces to deliberately crap all over Sea Point and thus, it was totes unfair:

Because people had important stuff to do:

Surely there was some sort of error?

And they really hope that it’s not going to happen again:

Honestly, if we could generate electricity by whinging, we’d be sorted.
But sadly for you guys:

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However, we have to go to Facebook to find yesterday’s winning loadshedding reaction:

nowarn

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But… but… how?

Excuse me asking, but exactly which large rock have you been living under? And is it still dark under there?

Sure, you may not have Twitter, although you do have Facebook, but then, maybe you don’t use it very much. (Although you could, and then you might not be so unpleasantly surprised in future.)

But do you not have a newspaper, an internet, a radio or a TV? If you do, do you read, listen or watch it? If so, how did you not know this was coming? And if not, how exactly do you expect to expect the wholly expected? Must the authorities inform everyone else by these mass methods of communication, but employ someone to pop round personally inform you of the latest news? Is this what we’re paying our taxes for? If so, it’s money that could be better spent on mending the broken electricity grid, so it’s people like you that are responsible for all these problems in the first place.

You and Apartheid. Allegedly.