Category: that’s a bit mad

In the modern, connected world, there’s simply too much information out there for each of us to take in and process individually. Fortunately, there are some people who refuse to take things at face value, and thus take on the task of analysing some of that information for others. It’s a role that I sometimes find myself taking. I’ll now disseminate some of that analysis, with a view to (further) enriching your life. Sadly, it appears that I haven’t been analysing anything very important recently, but you still never know when what you’re about to ignore read might come in handy.

It happened while I was at my daughter’s singing lesson last night. I was listening to the teacher running through the words to a new song for Scoop.
Hang on, I thought as I listened. u wot m8? I’m not about to take that at face value, I thought.

Thus, herewith my analysis of the lyrics to a song from Disney’s 1950 film Cinderella.
Yep, it’s Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, and here it is for those of you at home:

The lyrics are quite difficult for a six year old to grasp, given that they aren’t made up of real words. Of course, any six year old can sing nonsense words, but these ones have to be specific nonsense words and that’s rather more problematic. But also, it really doesn’t help when the nonsense words used in context don’t make any sense either:

Salagadoola, mechicka boola, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ’em together and what have you got?
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Really? This seems like an awfully poor return on Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo to me.

Basically, you’ve not just put Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo in, you’ve had to add Salagadoola and Mechicka boola to the list as well, and for what? What have you got once you’ve put them together? Yep: Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.
Where do the Salagadoola and Mechicka boola go to?

Look, we’re told later in the song that Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo is the key requirement for in the job doing process:

The thingmabob that does the job is bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

And so, yes, I suppose we can deduce that Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo is what we’re after, but looking at the top end of the equation, it seems that we had it already, so where does the need for Salagadoola and Mechicka boola come in?
Do they perhaps act as some sort of Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo catalyst? It’s seems unlikely, because if that were the case, Salagadoola and Mechicka boola would also be present at the end of the process as well, by definition.

I’m only asking because a) if they aren’t needed, then we’re obviously wasting a lot of time and effort by putting them into the mixing pot, and b) Mechicka boola is seriously hard to get hold of – Constantia Pick n Pay haven’t had any in for ages now. Gary, the manager, told me that it’s seasonal, and the crops have been decimated by Panama Disease. Or was that bananas?
Either way, it’s a schlep to source, especially if you don’t really need it. Not cheap either, hey?

The other thing about the Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo manufacturing process is the variants you can get if you don’t stop the Salagadoola, Mechicka boola, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo reaction at the right point. Check out the last line:

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put ’em together and what have you got?
Bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.

Bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-boo?

That’s polymerisation, that is. And while Bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-bibbidi-bobbidi-boo is far more durable than your ordinary monomeric Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, it’s also far less reactive, presumably meaning that it won’t work anywhere near as well in turning mice into horses, pumpkins into carriages etc. Given that the effects of Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo are already time-sensitive, often wearing off at the stroke of midnight (except of course for the infamous, contradictory glass slipper, which remains unaffected and magical even into the next day), this simply isn’t going to work.

So, you know, be careful not to over do it.

Listen, I hope that I haven’t put you off. It may be expensive and difficult to make, it may have a ludicrously foolish recipe, it may just be absolute nonsense from a successful commercial exploitation of a fairytale some 65 years ago, shared in song format, but if you can get it right, Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo is the bomb.
[Not literally, obviously. I’m certainly not condoning making any of that sort of thing in your kitchen.]

But it worked for old Cinders, didn’t it? Look at her now: killed in a 1997 Paris road accident married to Prince Chaming and living, we’re told, Happily Ever After.
I can’t promise that it’ll do the same for you, but if you do have time this weekend, ifyou can find some Mechicka boola and especially if you can rope in some help from your fairy godmother, it’s surely got to be worth a shot.