One stone

This week, I have been mainly plagued by birds.
And not in a good way.

On Wednesday, I spotted a pigeon sitting on the one of the roofbars of my car, repeatedly defaecating onto the roof. I tried to shoo it away. I tried clapping. It was unimpressed. And so, I approached it and, almost in slow motion, took a swipe at it.
Hand connected with bird, hard.
Bird crashed off the roof and onto the car park floor, hard.
Unfortunately for me, my shooing and clapping had attracted the attention of the ladies in the office next door. All that they saw was me klapping an innocent pigeon.
Given the lack of context, they were rightfully horrified. But at least the pigeon didn’t come back.

And then, on Thursday morning, still half asleep, I opened the curtains at home to find another pigeon on the patio. It stared at me – its eyes burning through to my very soul – as if it knew all about the klapping incident the previous day. This time, I shooed and I clapped, but at least when it didn’t leave, I refrained from attempting to strike the thing (even though there was no-one there to witness it this time).
This pigeon had leg rings on and with a bit of help from google, I managed to contact the local pigeon racing union and they came round to collect it. Turns out that it had been in a race from Springbok in the Northern Cape, back to Cape Town (but not to my back garden). I guess it got lost and lost the race.
The winner got R100,000. Once again, I realised that I am in the wrong career.

Yesterday, on the drive down to Agulhas, I killed two birds (1x Cape sparrow, 1x Cape weaver) by smashing 1300kg of car into their puny little bodies at 120kph. I’d rather have avoided them, but I couldn’t.

Again, as with the pigeon encounters, this is an unusual occurrence. I was once in a taxi that killed a magpie between the airport and Castletown in the Isle of Man in 2002, but that’s it.
Birds and I are not mixing well this week.

Why am I telling you this? Because I’m planning to braai a chicken this evening and I’m now convinced that it’s going to kill me. So, thanks for reading all these years. It’s been fun, but I’m guessing that this is the last you’ll be hearing from me.
And stop that cheering at the back. Now.

World’s Best Father?

I spotted this calendar idea on Kickstater and I think it’s fantastic.

Been there. Done all that. Should have taken photos.

[iframe src=”http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1447807309/worlds-best-father-2013-calendar/widget/video.html” width=”678″ height=”509″]

The “World’s Best Father” is Dave Engledow and that cute little lass is Alice Bee, his daughter.

Is Dave Engledow the world’s best father?

The hilarious photo collection featuring Engledow and his young daughter, Alice Bee, in a series of precarious situations might suggest the exact opposite.

But don’t worry, the Maryland-based photographer says. Alice Bee is always safe and much of the collection is photoshopped.

“When my daughter Alice Bee was born in 2010, I knew that I wanted to document her life creatively and put together a collection of photos that she would treasure as an adult,” Engledow writes.

Engledow has documented his daughter, now 1, in over 56 different situations — none of which are exactly appropriate for an infant.

In one image, she’s seen nibbling on a pack of sparklers. In another, she’s lifting a barbell like a true Olympic champ.

One object, however, always appears in each — a mug boasting the phrase “World’s Best Father.”

You can see Dave’s Facebook page here, his kickstarter page here and see some stuff on flickr here.

This will end well… (not)

Stand by for quite possibly the worst decision to hit Cape Town since they allowed me to live here:

City opens Sea Point Promenade to cyclists, skateboarders and rollerbladers during Transport Month

Yep. You read it right. The already congested Sea Point Promenade is about to be opened to “users of alternative transport methods, also known as Active Mobility”.

As David Moseley tweeted:

Cyclists on Sea Point promenade. Plus loony runners. Plus dopey dog walkers. Plus elderly strollers. Hello Prom Carnage. Daft, utterly daft.

Of course, our friend Councillor Brett Herron reminded everyone:

Cyclists, skateboarders and rollerbladers must, in all cases, give right of way to pedestrians, prams and wheelchair users, and travel at a safe and sensible speed.
“We have consulted local representatives for the various types of non-motorised transport, who have offered to launch Twitter and Facebook campaigns to remind their members of the basic rules of etiquette expected from Active Mobility users on the promenade,” said Councillor Herron.

So that’s alright then, because we know that cyclists are law-abiding citizens at the best of times. And yes, I know that someone will comment on here that they are a law abiding cyclist and so are all the cyclists they know. Been there, read that, seen you on the roads.

Has this decision been sponsored by MediClinic or something? I recognise it’s just a trial period and I’m sure that the best will be made of whatever decision is made at the end of the trial, but how many people are going to get hurt on the first sunny evening of October?

But wait, just in case you didn’t think that this was risky enough, this:

This trial period will also cater for the increasing numbers of tour guides taking groups of cycling tourists along key scenic routes in the city.

Groups. Of. Cycling. Tourists.

Groups of cycling tourists on Sea Point Prom.

It’s like the perfect storm of potential injury. Why not blindfold everyone and add some crocodiles as well, just to ensure maximum carnage?
Hell, why not blindfold the crocodiles too.
Hilarity will ensure.
I promise.

Why can every Cape Town resident on social media immediately see that this is a seriously flawed plan, yet the council – presumably having weighed up the pros and cons – think it is a good idea?

While completely appreciating the idea that the Prom is “a treasure to be shared with people from all over Cape Town and beyond”, I can’t see this ending well. At all.

Comments below, please…

A Heads Up

I know about this. I think most of us know about this. But do we actually heed the warnings?

The (current) top comment is worth a mention too: This information wasn’t gained through any hacking – it was all freely available information voluntarily provided by the individuals concerned.

So what have you shared that you maybe shouldn’t have done?