Not drunk

Tiger Woods’ car crash news is breaking all over Twitter.

Woods, 33, pulled out of his driveway in the Isleworth community about 2:25 a.m. when he struck a fire hydrant, and then drove into a tree at his neighbor’s property, FHP reported.

Woods was apparently taken to a nearby hospital “in a seriously rat-arsed condition”.

I don’t know about you, but I’m always striking fire hydrants and then driving into my neighbour’s arboreal vegetation in the early hours of the morning. I like to test to see how quickly the local council can get out to stem the big fountain of water that spews from the broken faucet. If they arrive before it gets light, I feel that my exorbitant rates bill is doing at least some good. 
Next door’s tree just annoys me by dropping leaves in my pool so I try and knock it down while I’m out damaging the car: it saves time and effort just billing the insurance once.

I’m not drunk when I do that though. Honest.

Blogger’s block and smoking monkeys

The problem with updating one’s blog every day is that sometimes one just doesn’t have the time or inclination. Either that or there’s nothing suitably interesting to write about. But it’s ok, because you can always post a quota photo – as long as you didn’t do that yesterday.
But in a worst case scenario – like today – those conditions come together in a perfect storm of blogger’s block. Oh crap.

It’s serious. The cricket is on, The Living Daylights is on, I have a billion spam comments to check through and clear (having found a terrifying large number of genuine “Ham” comments in amongst them last time), it’s getting late and I suspect that there will be some, if not more, child wakage later on this evening due to a nasty cold which is currently passing through the junior members of the household. I have done my best to relax the kids into a quiet and gentle slumber by plying the younger one with strong medicine and plying the older one with 104 pages of Curious George stories, but experience dictates that the nocturnal snot will prevail. Oh crap.

Times were evidently different when Curious George was written in the 1940’s and 50’s. When George escapes from prison by running along the telegraph wires and then floating away under a bunch of helium baloons before being rescued by his friend “The Man With The Yellow Hat” (who smuggled him into New York from Africa), he heads home. Obviously shaken from his rather traumatic day, I was horrified to turn the page and find the little simian chilling out in an armchair apparently smoking a pipe. And yes, there it was:

After a good meal and a good pipe,
George was ready for bed.

Alex looked momentarily confused. “Daddy? What’s a ‘good pipe’?”
But Daddy had brilliantly predicted that question and had already swiftly and safely moved on to the next story, all about how Curious George jumps into a lorry with two strange men who promise him that he can be part of their special circus later that night…

Oh crap.

Nothing to see here

It’s been totally hectic at work today, we’re interviewing for a new au-pair this evening and then I’m out with the Molton Brown Curry Club at Bihari in Newlands tonight. That is why there is nothing to see here.

I did stain some slides and look at some TB earlier. Here they are wearing their potassium permanganate counterstain and serving as a classic quota photo.

Meanwhile Ro (not to be confused with Po) suggested that since I liked this photo so much (and I really do like it), I should reblog it.
But then there would be something to see here, which would ruin everything.

Tomorrow – more writing, less pictures – I promise*.

* terms and conditions apply

Broken sprinkler

With summer finally here, I made an effort to sort out the “automatic” watering system in the garden last night. “Automatic” because it actually requires you to plug in the hose. Manually.
As usual, a range of ants, bugs and small pieces of sand had crawled into many of the sprinkler heads and they were blocked. In this situation, one must remove the offending sprinkler head and try to extricate whatever is in there, usually by sucking it into your throat and choking. In the meantime, the water in the sprinkler pipe, temporarily free from any form of resistance, shoots up into the air, like some giant mutant drinking fountain.

Kids love this:


Our new fountain is a lot more fun than you could ever imagine. However, the sprinkler system is still out of action, which is not good for the plants.  I have absolutely no doubt that we’ll not be fixing it again tonight. There are more pics here.

The FIFA World Cup draw – a warning

Let the moaning begin. Eh?
But yes, because Cape Town is going to be hosting the World Cup 2010 draw on Friday 4th December and there’s going to be a party. And they’re going to shut a few roads to make sure that the partygoers don’t get flattened by… you know… cars and stuff.

There’s a full and comprehensive list of road closures, including times here and there are sure to be some people moaning about the traffic despite the fact that they’ve had adequate warning via the radio, newspapers and internet. And despite the fact that these roads are regularly closed when there are large conferences at the CTICC. And despite the fact that no-one in their right mind would try to drive up Long Street on a Friday afternoon or evening.
Some people are just like that.

The traffic is just the tip of the iceberg though. Some people are still in denial about the whole World Cup thing and they’re going to go out of their way (with the help of the sensationalist SA media and the Daily Mail) to publicise every little bit of negativity that they can possibly find in glaringly bright lights. And with an estimated 700 million viewers fixing their eyes on Cape Town next week, they’ve got their first little platform ready and waiting.

This should be a celebration – and it will be. The World Cup will bring jobs, people, infrastructure and money into South Africa. But possibly worth more than all those put together, it will bring publicity. And publicity can swing either way.
It’s like that, is publicity, flip-flopping between sides like Allan Boesak.
There is, of course, that age old saying that “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”, but that’s complete bullshit. Try telling that to Gary Glitter or… well… Allan Boesak.
While this is a huge opportunity for South Africa, it is sadly also a huge opportunity for those that seek to derail the good things that are happening in this country and the hope that goes with them. I’m talking about the racists, the ex-pats, the union leaders and those who put their own selfish agendas in front of the good of the country. They too will be watching the draw next Friday, but for different reasons to you and I. They will be looking to pounce on anything that is not 110% perfect; be it the traffic, the TV production, the pre-draw entertainment or the weather.
Whatever they can find to dampen the celebration, they will use.

It’s sad that I feel this way, but I think that it is important that someone gets this message out there before the mis- and dis-information spreads its way out across the media. Simply put, you can fully expect the usual situation of the media over-reporting the negative aspects of life in South Africa to be concentrated while the World Cup is on. (And that includes the World Cup draw). Every incident of pickpocketing, poor organisation, drunken fist-fighting, overfilled buses or littering (ok, maybe not littering) will be documented and analysed in minute detail under evocative and exceptionalist headlines. Believe it, because it’s true.

Whatever happens, it is vitally important for South Africa that the optimism and the positive vibe that surrounds the World Cup is not drowned out by the small but vociferous minorities that want to drag this country down. So go and enjoy yourselves, have fun. And take photos and blog it, because that’s exactly what they’ll be doing for the other side.

As for me, I’m planning to leave my comfort zone of Southern Suburbia and take my Dad into town to join the chaos party on Long Street.
Can I, as they say, get a woop woop?!? (Oh, and England picked as team C1? Thanks.)

P.S. I just updated this with some amazing video. Go see.